A Fist Full of Feathers

Chapter 5

After I'm done crying, Michael sits with me in my room. "Listen. I know this isn't ideal. And I know that this isn't going to be easy. But you have to do it. Raven, I'm so sorry. But we should chose so we can prepare you as much as possible. Four or one?" He asks and I gloomily look at my lap. "One. It'll hurt more but I can't just kill four people. That would kill me. The need of the many out way the needs of the one right?" I ask cruelly. "I know Raven. I know." Michael says and wraps his arms around me. "I don't know who to chose. I can't do this." I say and feel more tears. "Yes you can. I'll be right next to you the whole time. Who?" He asks and I sigh. "I don't know. That's like asking who can you live without? I don't know." I say and cover my face with my hands. "Non of you. I can't live with out any of you." I say and bite my lip till it bleeds to stop from crying more. "Raven. Are you okay?" Alex's asks quietly from the door. "No. No I'm most defiantly not okay." I say looking up. There tears in my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. He nods and walks in. I hug him tightly and finally let the tears fall over. I don't cry, just let them fall. "Chose me. I will love you not matter what Raven." He says and I smile sadly. "That's why I can't chose you." I whisper to him. "I know. I just thought I would try." He whispers back. Tears are now falling from his eyes too cause he knows who it has to be. "I can't kill my family because they can't die. I can't kill you with out killing myself. We both know who it has to be." I whisper to him and he nods. "I feel bad cause it will be the end of their blood line. Mom, Dad, Brother. All dead." He says back and Michael coughs. "Do you need me to explain the situation to this mystery person?" He asks softly. "I already did. She doesn't know it has to be her yet." Alex says not breaking eye contact with me. "Okay. I'll leave you two then." Mike says and leaves. "I'm so sorry. Alex this is all my fault. I wish now I was more popular." I say and he shakes his head. "I talked to her. She understands it has to be one of us two." He says and that pushes me over the edge. I collapse into him and let the tears flow free. I don't sob or cry, I don't have the energy to. I just feel numb. Alex rubs soothing circles into my back but I can't feel them. I can't feel anything except the immense guilt that clouds my mind. Four words full my mind as they consume me. 'Its all my fault.' Some time later I feel Alex rest me down on my bed and leave. I can't blame him. I would leave me too. It's all my fault our only other friend has to die. Its all my fault the girl who's made my life so much brighter has to be killed by the very person she once saved. This is my fault and I will never forgive myself.

(Cas' POV)

Alex walks out later that night. Everyone's gone to bed but I can't sleep. Not while my little sister is so vulnerable. "Hey Cas." He says softly and sits next to me. "Hey Alex. How is she?" I ask tentatively. "She's broken. She'll probably will never be the same." He says sadly and puts his head in his hands. We sit in silence for a long time. "She blames herself you know." Alex says breaking it. "What? Why? This isn't her fault." I say concerned. Alex nods and looks at me. "I know. I told her that but she can't get it out of her head that this is all some how her fault." Alex says, his words laces with sorrow and hopelessness. I put my head in my hands and run them through me hair. "Alex, thank you so much for your help. Please, please, don't feel like you have to stay for her." I say and he nods. "I think I'm going home tonight." He says and stands. "Will you be okay Cas?" He asks and I sigh. "I don't know." I say honestly. "Don't worry, I get it." Alex says and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder. I yawn and blink away tears. "Good night Castile." Alex says and I nod. "Good night Alex." I say. We hug and he leaves. I carefully open the door to Ravens room to check on her. She seems to be sleeping peacefully, so I decide to head to bed. I open my door but out find Brit has managed to take over my room. I shake my head and chuckle. I close the door and knock on Deans door. I hear groaning behind it. Dean opens the door and he's very shirtless. "Oh, hey Cas. What's up?" He asks graving the top of the door and leaning out. "I-Um Brit has, uh, kinda t-taken over my r-room." I say flustered. Dean cocks an eyebrow at me but smiles. "And, um, I was w-wondering if, uh, maybe I c-could stay h-here." I ask the ground, blushing madly. Only Dean has this effect on me. "Aww, my poor little Cas. Sure, come on in." He says and steps aside for me. "Thanks." I murmur shyly. "Cas, it's cool." Dean says taking my hand in his, to which I giggle and blush. Dean pulls me into him for a sweet and passionate kiss. I sigh as I pull away. "What's wrong Baby? Did I do something wrong?" Dean asks worriedly. "No. No Dean you did nothing, you're so perfect. It's just... I feel so horrid for Raven. In a way she's like a daughter to me, Dean. You, Me, Sam, and Charlie raised her. And now this is happening to her. Dean, she has to kill her best friend." I say looking into his eyes sadly. "I know Sweets. I know." Dean says and pulls me into a comforting hug. "But there's nothing we can do." He says and I nod. "I know. Now, where were we?"