A Fist Full of Feathers

Chapter 8

Two weeks after the incident as we're now calling, Anna, Charlie, and I are standing in my room getting ready for the funeral. Im wearing the same black dress I did all those days ago. A large black veil is covering my face and I'm wearing waterproof eyeliner and mascara. I look at Charlie and Anna. Anna is wearing a simple black floor length dress. Charlie is wearing a pair of black jeans and a black tee shirt. I smile at the two of them, flirting and commenting on each other's outfits. "Girls, we should head out now." I say and grab the white roses, the are... were Anele's favourite. "You look beautiful Raven." Charlie says and takes Anna's arm. We walk out to find the boys all standing at the door waiting. There all wearing plain all black suits, with there own little touches. Cas has his trench coat, Dean is wearing a leather jacket in stead of the suit jacket, Brit is trying to hide a flask, so on. Alex is just wearing the plain suit though. I walk to him and hug him. "I love you, Alex." I say to him and he lifts the veil over my face. "I love you too, Raven." He says and we share a kiss. I take one of the roses and place it in his jacket pocket and one is pined behind my ear. I hand one to all the boys who copy Alex. The girls all have theirs behind their ears, and the boy on their jacket pockets. I put my veil back on and take Alex's hand. We walk out side to where the large car we hired to take us is. Everyone is silent as we all cram in and start to drive. We drive past Aneles old house that already has a for sale sign up on it. Seeing this makes me start to cry again. It's been one week since the last time I cried, but knowing that Aneles house will never be the same just tares me apart. I lean into Alex and silently let the tears fall. Alex sees this and take my hand, drawing small circles in the back. "Its not gonna be the same without her." I whisper out, not trusting my voice anymore. "I know baby girl." Alex says and kisses the top of my head. The name has stuck since the first night after Anele passed. "I just... miss her. I miss her smile, the way she could light up any room with her jokes." I say and smile at the fond memories. "The way she always fell in love too fast, and trusted way to easily." Alex says and I kiss his check. "Or the way conversation just seemed to flow when we were together." I say and Alex looks out into space, remembering the fun loving girl we had grown to care about. "In a strange way, I'm glad I did chose to kill her instead of four civilians. I just feel like I wouldn't have been able to live with myself know four families had to go through what we're going through." I say and Alex nods. I smile to myself sadly as I remember all the times that we had with Anele. It was always the three of us against the world and I miss her with all my broken heart. We pull into the cemetery were burring her at. New Hope Cemetery, we always joked about which one of us would end up here first. Non of us ever guessed it would be Anele. I start to cry and smile at the same time, simultaneously happy because of the memories and heart broken because of the fact that we won't be able to make more. We walk slowly to the newly dug grave two by two, like a parade. When we get there we all stand around the grave and the pastor begins the ceremony. After a short and sweet ceremony, I go up to give a speech to my best friend. "Anele, I know that you would have wanted us to move on and be happy, but it's hard to let you go. When you left, you took a piece of my heart with you. I see you in everything Anele, the clouds cause we used to lay on the grass and try to guess what shape we could find, in the glint of sun on water cause of our old spot in the forest, in the stars cause we used to look up and you would tell me that when you die you become one and I know now that you belong to them now. I find you in the simplest of things. I find myself thinking of you in the random eat of ways. I remember the way you used to always bite your tongue when you focused really hard, or the way that you always stopped and smell the flowers. Its funny how we look over such small things when your here with us but when your gone, their all you can think about. I miss you Anele. I will never forget you. The memories we shared of the moments that matter. I even miss the fights we had. I would give anything to fight with you one last time, because at least that way I get to see you one last time. I just want to say good bye to you. I even want to just see your brown eyes that you used to hate. Anele, you made my world a better place. You helped me when times got tough and I didn't help you when you needed it most and I'm truly sorry. Good bye, Anele. You were the best friend a girl could ever have and I know you'll think it's redundant cause your dead, but I want your I have this. You always loved it when you were alive so now you'll get it for erterndriy. I love you Anele. I hope your happy. Good bye." I say and gently toss Aneles favourite necklace of mine into the deep hole. I go and stand next to Alex. The pastor says some hunter prayers to make sure she moves on to the next life and then comes the final part of the ceremony. I requested this one specifically because I knew Anele would laugh at it. We throw white rose petals on top of the coffin, so many so that you can barley hear the dirt that starts to fill the hole. "Good bye, Raven. Thank you. I love you too." Her voice says to me. I look up quickly behind a near by tree to see her laughing at the rose petals. I smile and tap Alex. He turns and see s her too. She waves at us then blows a kiss, but as soon as the last rose petal is covered she disappears into the wind. The hunter prayers made sure that her souls would stay in heaven and never return to earth. I start to cry and I can see the tears rolling down everyone's checks. We all leave silently, crying non the less. Everyone here meet Anele at least once. We all know what an amazing person she was. We climb into the car again and start to drive home. "Raven that was a beautiful speech. Honestly that's what pushed me over the edge." Balthazar says wiping his eyes with a tissue. "Thank you Balthazar. That really means a lot." I say and blow my nose. "It was a beautiful ceremony. The pastor did a wonderful job." Cas says and Dean hugs him. "The hunter prayers were a nice touch." Sam says and I nod. "I want her to be happy. I don't want her stuck on earth." I say and Sam nods. "It just feels a little more grey knowing that there's no way that I'll ever see her again alive." I say and everyone starts to cry a little harder. Even Dean, badass warrior, is crying lightly into Cas' hair. Poor Charlie is a mess. Anna is holding her trying to clam her. Gabe and Sam are just leaning against each other. Lucifer a head is in Michaels lap and Mike is stroking his hair. Balthazar is sitting alone. I look at Alex then kiss him quickly. I move seats and sit with my brother. I wrap my arms around him and he wraps his around me. "Well find you someone, Brit. Don't you worry." I whisper to him and he smiles sadly. "The guy for me is stuck in a cage in hell." He tells me and I smile. "I knew it! I knew you and Adam were a thing." I say and Brit blushes a little. "Don't worry Brit! Well get him back for you." I say and he smiles. The rest of the drive is made in silence. I'm happy to finally have something to take my mind off what happened. When we get back to the bunker we all walk inside talking quietly amongst ourselves. I decide to head to my room to be alone. I walk up to my room and find a single white rose, and a note. Miss you more! -Anele xx I hold them close to my chest and feel the smile spread across my face. I cry and look down at the note. It's her hand writing and only she knew about our secret code of the double x's. When ever we used to leave notes, we always knew that double x's mean it's from one of use two. I hold it close to my chest and sniffle. "No you don't." I whisper into the air, knowing that she can hear me. I walk over to the little memory box I'm making, with her picture on the front. I add the note in and look at the flower. I smile it and feel a tear drip onto the delicate flower. When I open my eyes again, a casing is surrounding the flower as if it had been dipped in glass. I smile knowing it will never wilt now and place it in the box as well. I slide the box I my book shelf and sit on my bed. I close my eyes and start to pray subconsciously. "Dad, if your listening, please do this one thing for me and release Adam from the cage. He wasn't meant to be there in the first place. Dad, Chuck, whatever you like to be called, I killed Anele for you, please do this for me. Balthazar is so lonely and it hurts to see my brother in pain." I whisper to him. I don't even know if he's listening. I open my eyes and sigh. All I want to do right now is sleep. I get up and walk back into the living room. "Alex?" I asks and he nods. Alex hasn't let me sleep on my own since the incident. We walk back up to my room together. I don't even care if he's there, I just change into my pjs. "You'll never guess what I found on my bed when I got home." I say and Alex stops changing to look up. "What?" He asks and I get the note. He reads it and covers his mouth with his hand. He hands me the note a small smile spreading across his face. I put the note back in the box and walk back to Alex. I smile and nod, confirming his thoughts. "Oh my god." He says and I nod again. I put my arms around his neck and kiss him. "That makes it that much easier to let go." I whisper and he nods. I sit down on the bed and crawl under the covers. Alex forgets about his shirt and cuddles in next to me. For the first time in two weeks I finally let myself feel... happy. And it's feels good.