UNDER PRESSURE || HUENING KAI

06. Falling

HUENING KAI—

On her sweet 16, I was going to kiss her for the first time.

It was April, and Spring was fresh and anew. I loved Spring, it was one of my favorite seasons, and the fact that one of my favorite people was born during it made it even better. Y/N's birthday was coming up, and I had many things planned for her.

It'd been almost a whole year since I met her, the mysterious girl who bought me a yogurt drink each day because I cried so much. A whole year since I've met my closest friend. The one that I had strong feelings for, too.

After my birthday, being able to meet Y/N was difficult sometimes. She was beginning to get even busier, as BigHit was planning to debut their first girl group in one year. Rumors spread all around the company, one of them being that it was no doubt that Y/N would make it. She never spoke about what was going on in her trainee life much—I just assumed she was sick of talking about it—but she never seemed to complain much about it being hard or if she felt like she wasn't going to debut. That's just how talented and hard-working she was. She was going to earn what she deserved and she knew so.

As excited as I was for her, the change was difficult for me. I missed seeing her everyday, missed her high energy and positivity. These days, it was me reaching out, calling and texting her, catching her between her breaks, or dragging her out. Y/N, although she tried her best to put on a smile and act normal, was getting burnt out and I could tell. Having bags under her eyes, always looking weak and tired, constantly spacing out—those were some of the signs.

Are you okay? Can you talk to me? What's wrong? Do you need anything? I think she was sick of me constantly asking her, always responding with "I'd rather spend our time together and enjoy it than talk about me." Which, there was nothing I could retort with because it was rare that we got to see each other, but looking back, I wish I had tried much harder. I wish I pried it out of her, as long as it made her feel better.

On her birthday though, we got to be with each other for the entire evening, a rare occasion. I was so anxious yet excited for the day to come, not only because I hadn't seen her in a week and a half but also because I wanted it to be a day she wouldn't be able to forget. That night, we went roller skating, went to dinner, and bantered around. Y/N pranced around in the sweater I bought for her, which suit her perfectly. Spirits were high, and everything felt as normal as ever.

We walked around a park for a while, talking about what'd been going on lately. We chatted about our friends, roommates, our dance and singing classes. I asked her if she still hated her teacher, and she nodded aggressively, sticking up her middle finger in the air and cursing out loud. Her bluntness never failed me amuse me, she was never afraid to say what was on her mind.

We eventually found ourselves on a bench in the park, surrounded by lush greenery. A romantic scene, in my opinion. Y/N was humming to herself, kicking her legs back and forth. I watched her quietly enjoying herself with a smile. One year of me knowing her and my feelings have grown two—no three, four times as much probably. I liked her so much that I didn't want to imagine not being with her.

We were only teenagers, but I felt so sick in love sometimes that I felt like I could explode when I was around her. Love was a strong word, I know, but it was love as I knew it at the time, as a young and immature teenager. I couldn't not listen to what my heart was telling me.

"I'm sorry, Kai." Y/N muttered, sighing in defeat. "That I haven't been able to see you as much. It's so hard." She said quietly. We'd been talking about what had been going on in our trainee lives when she brought this up.