UNDER PRESSURE || HUENING KAI

09. 4 Years Later

HUENING KAI—

It's been almost 4 years since I debuted with TOMORROW X TOGETHER. Although it was a tough 4 years, it has been the best years of my life. To think I got lucky enough to be able to live my dream with my best friends each day. Singing, dancing, making music—I loved being an idol. I often looked back to the harder days and realized that the world gave me a tough time so that I could get past it and emerge stronger and happier.

When I debuted, my confidence was still rock bottom. It was low for a while, as I got a lot of hate and wasn't as popular as everyone else. I think it made me more resilient, though, because now I didn't care much about what others thought and lived life being simply me. I was the happiest and most confident when I was just myself and let go of any other worries.

I treasured my younger self, and wish I could come see him again. I would've told him that I didn't need to worry during evaluations, that I shouldn't be so scared of other people and their opinions. I would've gave him a big hug and said it'd all go the way I wanted it to eventually, and that I'd find happiness. The younger me which went through so much would be thrilled to hear where I was now.

That has been what has carried me all these years. I always thought how lucky I was to be here and thankful that I had people that supported me—MOA, the other members, and my siblings and parents. That was all I really needed.

During this time, we were constantly working and putting out music, having about four comebacks in the span of a year. Our popularity was off the charts, but we did need a break and were overworked.

Each week we held meetings where we would discuss everything we had planned for the next week, so that proper preparations could be made. I was gaining popularity all of the sudden, and so Hybe wanted to take advantage of this and was pushing out a lot of promotions involving just myself. I was going to go on a few variety shows, had solo performances, and MC, which I was all excited but nervous about. The attention I was getting was new, to be honest, and I wasn't sure if I was prepared for it.

"Tomorrow, at 3, you'll be emceeing for Music Bank. Soobin won't have time, and so they requested you to do it for the day." My manager told me one afternoon during our meeting.

I nodded, "okay. Why not Yeonjun, though? He has more experience."

The manager shrugged. "They might want you to keep doing it for another segment depending on feedback from viewers. I think it's a good idea, since Soobin doesn't have the capacity to MC full time anymore."

"I see..." I nodded, adding that down to my huge lists of things to prepare for.

"So just look over the script, maybe run it with him for practice. That's all I have for you today, you can go now."

"Okay." I got up and left the room.

My heart was pounding, and my head began to spin. I realized halfway through our conversation what me emceeing at Music Bank tomorrow entailed.

Soobin and her usually did the segment together. Fans liked them together, the two leaders of the sibling groups of BigHit. But tomorrow, it was going to be me, meaning I was going to be talking to her for the first time in years.

Y/N.

-

That night, I spoke with Soobin about the segment tomorrow that I was doing for him. We went over it, and it was pretty easy and I wasn't nervous. I was just mostly nervous about seeing her.