UNDER PRESSURE || HUENING KAI

47. Want You

Y/N—
Warning: Sexual Content

The entire day, I couldn't stop thinking about Kai. Even when I was stressed out and working, he was on my mind constantly. Despite my working conditions not getting any better, I felt a lot better after getting everything off my chest last night. It changed a lot for me, being able to find comfort in Kai and being cared for by him. That morning, he bought me breakfast from one of my favorite cafes, cuddled me even more, and then drove me to work. I truly felt like I was his girlfriend.

Speaking of that, was I?

We'd never explicitly talked about it, whether we were dating or not. In my head, it wasn't official, despite us doing everything that a couple did. And as much as I wanted to...part of me was scared it would make things all the more real. Dating as idols was tough, and if it ever got out then we would probably be screwed—more so me, because I've observed that the girl usually got more backlash in these situations, which wasn't fair.

It sucked, so I tried not to think about it. But that was on my mind the whole day, along with this mornings... of events. The sexual attraction I felt for him and knew he felt for me was undeniable, but was that something we should even do if we weren't officially dating? It was all so confusing and there were so many uncertainties right now—but I knew one thing. I was twenty, turning twenty-one soon, and I wanted to lose my virginity. It was something I thought about a lot nowadays, especially now that Kai was in my life. Wouldn't it be nice to lose all of our firsts together?

....I digress.

The rest of the week was a blur, as I prepared for my solo performance for MAMA that was approaching quickly. At this point in time, I was frantic, feeling like I didn't have enough time to finish everything—I definitely didn't, and was pushing my limits. Each day was the same, and I didn't have time to sit around and mope, being completely consumed by work.

On the day of the performance, I woke up feeling already terrible. I had stayed up late finishing up some other things and got in total about 3 hours of sleep, 3.5 if you counted the nap I took backstage. I was looking forward to getting this all over with, but also dreading it because I wasn't even sure if it was going to go well.

I was a disaster the entire day, during our rehearsals and such. I was angry at everyone and everything, being my usual moody self that I hated yet couldn't control. I was just trying to survive at this point, not caring about anything else. The rehearsal went well, and I got to see Kai a couple times in passing—although our interactions had to stay professional since we were on the clock.

We went on a short break, and I was walking to back to our room when I bumped into something. Annoyed that someone wasn't watching where they were going, I drew in an angry breath, glaring and looking up but my face immediately softening when I saw Kai standing there, smiling teasingly at me.

"Ah! It's you. Sorry." I said with an embarrassed smile.

"Feeling feisty today, I see." He smirked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head at him, seeing his gaze soften worriedly. "You feeling okay?" Kai asked, leaning down to look at my face.

"I'm fine." I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Just worried about my performance."

"You did amazing during rehearsal. I watched." Kai reassured me, placing his hand on my shoulder and caressing it softly. "You're gonna do great today, and even if you mess up or whatever, I'm still proud of you and so is everyone else. You've been working really hard."

His words sadly didn't do much to make me feel better, as I was deeply stuck in my pit of negativity and anxiety as per usual. But I nodded and thanked him anyways, because I appreciated his caring words.