Buddie: Partners in Fire

Chapter 25

Scene: Over the Next Few Weeks

The firehouse was bustling with its usual activity, but for Buck, the past few weeks had been anything but routine. Ever since the traumatic evening with his parents and the subsequent panic attacks, he had struggled to regain his footing. Each night was plagued by nightmares, each one a haunting replay of the rejection and fear he had experienced. Eddie had been his rock, staying by his side through each episode, offering comfort and stability when Buck felt his world slipping away.

The nights were the worst. In the darkness of their shared bedroom, Buck’s sleep was anything but peaceful. Almost every night, he would jolt awake, drenched in sweat, his heart racing as if he had run a marathon. The sheets tangled around him like a vice, and his eyes wide with terror as he gasped for breath. The dreams were vivid and relentless, replaying the evening with his parents over and over, each time more horrifying than the last. Sometimes he dreamed of their faces twisted in anger, their voices cold and condemning. Other times, he was a child again, standing alone in a dark room, calling out for them but receiving only silence in return.

Eddie, attuned to Buck’s every move, would wake up immediately. Without hesitation, he would wrap his arms around Buck, holding him tightly as if his embrace could shield Buck from the nightmares. Eddie’s voice was a gentle murmur in the darkness, whispering soothing words and reassurances.

Eddie: “It’s okay, Buck. I’m here. You’re safe. We're at home. Everything's okay. Just breathe with me.”

Eddie’s presence was a lifeline, his steady breathing and comforting touch grounding Buck in reality. Eddie would stroke Buck’s hair, his fingers brushing away the sweat from Buck’s forehead, his touch a constant reminder that Buck was not alone. Gradually, Buck’s frantic breaths would slow, and the racing of his heart would ease as he clung to Eddie, feeling the safety and warmth of his partner’s embrace.

But it wasn’t just the nights that were hard. During the day, Buck was constantly on edge. The weight of his parents’ rejection loomed over him like a dark cloud, casting a shadow on even the brightest moments. He would startle at sudden noises, his body tensing involuntarily at the sound of raised voices or the slam of a door. The firehouse, once a place of refuge and camaraderie, now felt fraught with unseen dangers.

Despite the unwavering support from his 118 family and Eddie’s constant reassurance, the trauma left deep scars. Buck’s panic attacks became more frequent and more intense, each one a visceral reminder of the pain he carried inside. The first few times it happened at the station, the team was taken aback. They watched in horror as Buck's face would drain of color, his breaths coming in short, desperate gasps. His hands would tremble violently, and his eyes would fill with a terror that was heart-wrenching to witness.

Hen was often the first to react, her medical training kicking in as she tried to help Buck through the attack.

Hen: “Buck, can you hear me? Focus on my voice. Breathe, in and out.”

Chimney would hover nearby, his usual jovial demeanor replaced by a worried frown.

Chimney: “Hang in there, Buckaroo. You’re going to be okay.”

Eddie, never far from Buck’s side, would take the lead, his voice calm and steady. He would guide Buck to a quieter space, away from the prying eyes of their colleagues, and hold him until the worst had passed. Eddie is the only person who can calm Buck down.

Eddie: “Look at me, Buck. Just focus on me. You’re safe. I’m right here.”

The team did their best to provide a sense of normalcy, rallying around Buck with an outpouring of support and understanding. They would share jokes and stories, trying to lighten the mood and distract Buck from his inner turmoil. But every time Buck faced a trigger—whether it was a call that hit too close to home or a casual mention of family—he would spiral into the debilitating grip of panic.

One particularly bad day, they had responded to a call involving a family. The sight of the family had hit Buck like a punch to the gut. His vision had blurred, his breathing had become erratic, and before he knew it, he was on the ground, gasping for air. His teammates had surrounded him, their voices a cacophony of concern and instruction, but all Buck could hear was the echo of his parents’ words.

The panic attacks were relentless, leaving Buck exhausted and drained. The nights brought nightmares, and the days were filled with a pervasive sense of fear and unease. The line between reality and his nightmares blurred, and every face in the crowd seemed to morph into his parents, their eyes cold and unforgiving.

Even the smallest things became triggers. The smell of a particular cologne, a phrase overheard in passing, or the sight of a family laughing together—all of it could send Buck spiraling into anxiety. The grip of panic was swift and merciless, a cold hand that tightened around his chest, stealing his breath and filling his mind with a torrent of dark thoughts. Each time it happened, it felt like he was being dragged underwater, the weight of his fears pulling him down into an abyss.

Eddie’s presence was the only constant that kept Buck anchored. He was always there, ready to catch Buck when he stumbled, to hold him when he trembled, and to reassure him when the world felt like it was falling apart.

Eddie: “You’re not alone, Buck. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

But despite Eddie’s unwavering support, Buck couldn’t shake the feeling of being a burden. He saw the worry etched on Eddie’s face, the fatigue in his eyes, and it tore at Buck’s heart. He hated that his struggles were affecting Eddie, that his pain was causing Eddie to lose sleep and to carry the weight of his fears.

In the quiet moments, when the world seemed still, Buck would find himself staring at the ceiling, thoughts racing. He wondered if his parents would ever accept him, if the nightmares would ever stop, and if he would ever feel whole again. The fear and uncertainty gnawed at him, a relentless force that left him feeling hollow and broken.