adopted by 5sos | l.h.

one.

people would always tell you that things will get better , right? but all was want to know is when, when will all of these horrible memories become into happy memories. i just wish someone would save me, all the voices in my head wont go away. but this is no bedtime story this is reality.

my name is emma and this is my story. i am tall, thin girl with long, brown hair who is insecure about everything about me.

my mom is the only person i have in my life she's always there for me. my dad left when i was 10 years old i didn't get to know him very well. i know one thing, he would constantly mentally and physically abuse me. we moved to australia from california to get away from my dad.

my older brother joseph committed suicide. after that i became very depressed. i still feel its all my fault, i could have stopped him, i saw those tears when i asked him what is wrong. i saw those sad eyes and i didn't even do anything. he just started yelling at me saying he loves me very much and none of this was his fault. i didn't know what was happening. he was my best friend, my brother who was always there for me no matter what.  now he is gone and i physically and mentally feel like a big chunk of myself was taken away.

i get bullied constantly at school for how i look, how i "talk" because I'm from california, because i "dress" differently. i would always wear a hoodie and pants nothing else. no one at school knows the real me, they don't know what's going with my life. i am someone who will smile and try to make people days by saying their outfit is cute or something along that line but no one analogies that i am there, they would give me crap about it and laugh. i gave up and became mute, i knew myself that i was fucked up but i still had a small amount in myself that i knew that wasnt true but now i know that i am really fucked up.

one day there was loud banging on the front door, my mom looked out the window but never told me who it was and just told me to go to my room in my closest and not to come out till she told me when so i did, what could i do if i was so young to even know what was happening. i was only eleven years old. when i went upstairs i hear the door slam shut, yelling and high pitch screaming. i started crying and shaking.

yelling was coming through my ears, i noticed this one specific voice, the one who would always say negativity at me. my father who i could not even call him my dad for all the horrendous things he has done to me.

after the constant yelling all of a sudden i heard a shot which i assume was from gun. i dont hear any movement or voices but my mom never came upstairs so i got really worried and wanted to see what happened. i turned my door knob and walked quietly outside my room to go downstairs to see what has happened and there i saw my mom laying on the floor, blood was everywhere.

i grabbed my phone out of my back pocket and dialed 911 and told them everything. when the ambulance came the took my mom i started to bawl i didn't know what to to without her. when they reached the emergency room they did surgery. the surgeon said that she'll be fine but she'll be on live support for a few days.

it's has been three fucking months later and my mom still haven't woken up until the beeping monitor started to beep with the same tone in a straight line.

i started to cry and yelled to find the nurses. they said they tried everything they could but yet they couldn't do anything. i turned twelve when she was in the coma. i am know seventeen years old and still in the orphanage.

i had no family members nearby or most likely none of my immediate family members wanted me. so i had to be sent to an orphanage. the police didn't find my dad. i don't know why this happened or why my dad did this. it seems like it's all my fault.

i have no one in my life but only the demons inside my head.