delicate

52

Caroline, Damon, and Stefan's conversation was distracting me from the pain in my side. Bonnie came by a while ago and did a spell to keep me from feeling a majority of the pain. She offered to find a way to get rid of it completely, and I told her not to waste her time.

This morning, I woke up to Caroline forcing me awake. After realizing I didn't die last night there, I was disappointed. That made me realize that I have no reason to be alive. Tyler biting me came at a perfect time. Sometimes, things work out.

I felt Ryan sit next to me. He got here an hour ago, and he's barely left my side. I looked at him. The smile on his face was masked by the sad look in his eyes. It made me question why I was letting myself die. I looked at my hands that were resting in my lap.

"You need to tell him." Him as in Kai. I shouldn't have told Ryan that I wasn't going to tell him. "He deserves to know. Even you can admit that." His voice was quiet so no one else could hear.

I took a short, shaky breath. "I can't."

"Why?"

I looked at him. "If I tell him I'm doing this, that I'm letting myself die, and that I'm dying because I saved him, he'll never forgive me. And he'll try to stop me. That's not what I want."

"Maybe." He nodded once, "But it might be what you need."

I shook my head, "I can't do this to him. He doesn't deserve it."

He grabbed my hand. "He loves you, Evelyn. He'll understand better than anyone what you need because he knows you. That man would do anything to make you feel happy, even if it isn't what he wants. He deserves to know what's happening."

The familiar heavy feeling resting on my chest was tearing at my heart. "Okay."

He squeezed my hand before I let go. After a moment, I slinked away. I drove to Kai's. I sat in the car for a few minutes, rehearsing how I might tell him that I'm dying and I don't want to be saved.

All the courage left my body as I knocked on his door. I took one last deep breath, exhaling slowly. I tried to force away the dread that was exuding from me.

He opened the door, revealing himself to me. After registering that I was standing in front of him, a calm look crossed his face. I wanted to speak, but I couldn't.

His eyes traveled down my body, "You look cute." He looked into my eyes again. He pulled the door open further, "Do you want to come in?"

I stared at him for a minute, unsure of how to answer. He stepped back, allowing more space for me to enter. I walked past him, taking a few steps inside. I crossed my arms and turned to face him. I looked up from the floor to his face.

He stepped closer to me. "What are you doing here?"

I stopped biting my tongue. I wasn't sure how to answer him. The nerves that I had left in the car were back, making me scared of how he would react. I don't want him to stop me.

"You're starting to freak me out, babe. Is something wrong?"

I dug my nails into my arm. "I need to tell you something."

He nodded once, "Okay."

"And I don't want you to be upset or mad. I just need you to know."

He stepped closer, "What's going on?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I walked to the couch and sat down. He followed and sat beside me. I twisted my finger back and forth.

He put his hand on mine. "Why are you nervous? It's just me."

His words made tears come to my eyes. "I don't want you to hate me."