delicate

50

I watched as Lizzie and Amelia played with the toys around them.

"Here you go."

I lifted my head and looked at Jo, and then I looked at the tea she was offering. "Thank you," I responded as I took it from her. I held it to my chest and refocused my attention on the twins.

Stefan and Caroline offered to repaint the nursery since Jo and Ric never got around to it before he died. I decided to tag along to visit Jo. And to avoid Kai like I have been doing for the past week.

I looked at her. "How have you been?"

She stared at the twins for a moment before looking at me. "Better," she nodded. "Not crying uncontrollably, if that's what you mean."

"Right." I nodded as I looked down at the cup in my hands. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she answered. "No one else knows what to say either."

I looked at the twins. After a moment of contemplating what to say, I finally spoke my mind. "Why would you stay here?" I looked at her. "I mean, why did you keep going? If I were you, I would've just given up." I shook my head. "I don't know how you're not drowning in grief."

"Well, I can't just give up. I have people who need me."

"Doesn't losing someone like him destroy you? You obviously loved him, and you didn't want to ever lose him. How do you just... keep it together?"

There was an unfamiliar look that crossed her face. She put her mug on the end table of the couch before turning her body to face me. "It's easy to fall apart when it's all you think about." Her words were eerily sickening, but also familiar and comforting. "I know that Ric wouldn't want me to let his death destroy my life. He would want me to be happy and to live my life."

I stared at her, trying to think of a response. The only thing on my mind was Kai. What is he doing? Where is he? Is he as bad off as I am?

"I heard about what happened with you and Kai. I've never really been the biggest fan of your relationship, but I know he made you happy, and that was enough for me to not hate you two being together. What he did, Evelyn, was not your fault."

My throat felt like it was closing as my eyes welled with tears. I looked down at the tea. I felt Jo move closer. She pulled my hand to hers and slid her fingers between mine. I looked at her again after taking a short breath.

"Everything will be okay."

The tears in my eyes poured over, trailing down my face. "It doesn't feel like it."

She squeezed my hand, "But it will." She nodded. "You just need time."

I shook my head once. "That's not what I need."

"What?"

I sighed as I looked away from her. "I've spent the last two years waiting for him. And I finally had him. I know what he did. I know how horrible it is. I know I shouldn't forgive him, I shouldn't love him anymore, but I don't care." I looked at her. "I just... I feel like I need him, like he's a part of me. Without him, I feel lifeless." I shook my head, "And I don't know what to do." I swallowed. "If I go back to him, I'll be going against everything I believe in. If I don't go back to him, I don't know what I'll do."

There was pity in her eyes. "You shouldn't expect your love for him to just go away. You need to give yourself more time to process this. He went away for an entire year and married another woman, Evelyn. He started a new life while he was still in a relationship with you."

I looked down at our hands. Talking about my relationship problems feels cruel when I consider her life. Her husband died, and we're talking about my cheating fiance. I looked up at her. "I know."