Back Together

❤︎︎ Twenty-Three ❤︎︎

I woke up with a hangover obviously. Not my worst hangover but it was bad. Lando made me take a painkiller but all I could think about was the fact that he threw my weed away.

"I'm still not fucking happy with you. you threw away my weed" I said

"I know, Lex. And I'm sorry if I upset you. But your health is more important than any high you could get from that weed. It's just not worth it"

"it's a comfort thing... I did it a lot when I got really stressed when I started uni..."

"I get that. And I know it can be hard to let go of something that's been a part of your life for so long. But you have to trust me on this one, Lexi. Weed is not going to help you in the long run"

"I just can't replace it... i thought i could replace it with alcohol but that went well"

"I know it's not easy, but you have to find other ways to cope with your stress. Maybe try exercise, meditation, or talking to someone about your feelings? Remember, I'm here for you whenever you need someone to talk to"

"I don't know... it's just not the same..."

"Alright, let's just focus on getting through today. And when you're feeling better, maybe we can brainstorm some healthier coping mechanisms together" he said. I did actually feel up to going to the gym and doing something. Maybe that could be a coping mechanism. I hadn't gone in ages but it had helped me before when I had hangovers so I figured it would help me this time.

"can we go to the gym today...?"

"Sure, we can go to the gym today. Maybe some exercise will help clear your mind and give you more energy. And who knows, maybe it'll even make you feel better overall"

"I need to go get a new sports bra and leggings first though... mine shrunk in the wash" I said. It did make him laugh slightly

"Okay, let's take care of that too. We can stop by Sports Direct on our way to the gym. And don't worry about spending money, I've got you covered"

"thanks, Lan... you know, maybe it's time you learnt some welsh?"

"Really? You think I could actually learn something?"

"Yeah. We can start it small though. How about I teach you how to say 'I love you'?"

"I would love that"

"Okay so 'I love you' is Rwy'n dy garu di. There's other ways to say it but I remember that way best"

"Rwy'n dy garu di. Did I say it right?"

"Perfectly"

"Okay, Rwy'n dy garu di, Lexi"

"Rwy'n dy garu di, Lan"

We went to Sports Direct and he waited outside. When I came back I saw Lando with a little girl who was a massive fan of him. My heart melted. I was getting baby fever. He was gonna be the best dad ever. The fan went and I went to Lando and wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You've given me baby fever now... my ovaries are screaming for a baby now" I said. He laughed and held me closer

"You know it's too early for us to have a baby. But it's something that will happen eventually. I promise, Lex" he said. We went to the gym and it was completely empty.

"thank god... I did not want an anxiety attack today. I hate being in the gym with people"

"Well, don't worry, Lex. We'll take our time with this workout. I won't push you if you don't feel comfortable. Remember, we're in this together" he said. I nodded and put on my new sports stuff. I pulled off his shirt and he didn't even argue. He knew I just wanted to look at him and fantasise about him. It's not my fault that he's fit. We did a few push ups to start with and then did some tricep dips. He had to basically hold my waist the whole time to support me. Especially with push ups. Last time I did a push up before that I pulled a muscle in my back and was on bed rest for ages so he held onto my back and waist so tightly so I wouldn't hurt my back. I always had back problems. It started when I was 15. I did some planks and some crunches and then I went on the treadmill for a bit. I didn't go too fast though because I was actually kinda scared of them. I buggered up my arm once when I used one in school. Someone sped up my treadmill and I fell off and landed on my arm so yeah. I'm kinda traumatised. It was fine though because Lando bought me a Costa after. We sat down with our snacks and drinks and he spent most of the time playing with my hair.

"I wanna get it cut soon. it's getting too long" i said

"Don't do it. I love your hair long like this. It feels so soft and silky against my skin. Plus, it looks great on you" he said. He always played with my hair.

"maybe I'll leave it long. but I need to at least have a trim because I've got so many dry ends and I don't wanna end up like rapunzel"

"Only a trim though. No cutting it short, okay?"

"okay. not cutting it short. Is my hair a comfort thing for you to play with? I noticed that you play with my hair a lot when you're stressed"

"Yeah, it is. There's something about the texture and movement of your hair that helps me relax. Plus, I just find it really soothing to run my fingers through it"

"I'll keep it long for you then"

"Thanks, sweetheart. I appreciate that"

We went back to my dorm room and actually spent the rest of the day looking at houses. We decided to stay in Wales. Lando knew that Cardiff was a comfort place for me and he didn't really care where we were as long as he was with me. We only stopped looking at houses when I went for a shower. I came back out and he cuddled me on the bed. He had been so clingy.

"you've been really clingy lately... you okay?" I said

"I'm sorry. I just..."

"Is it because of the last few days...?" I said. He nodded and I pulled him in my arms. I couldn't blame him. I had overdosed, ended up in hospital while he was in another country, tried to have drugs again, got hypothermia and got so pissed that I threw up basically all night. "come here... have all the cuddles you want... I'm not going anywhere... have a cry if you need it... you've been holding in tears for the last few days and it's not healthy to hold them back..." I said. He took a shaky breath and hid his face in my neck. He hated crying in front of other people but he was slowly opening up his emotions in front of me. I could feel a few tears on my neck. I put my hand on the back of his head and he finally cried. He needed it.

"I don't want to lose you, Lexi. You're my entire world. And those moments... they shook me to my core"

"I know... I'll never forgive myself for putting myself and you in that situation..."

"It wasn't your fault, Lexi. You didn't know any better. But I promise to always keep an eye on you from now on, okay? And we'll never go through anything like that again"

"yeah... come here" I said. I pressed my lips softly on his and then we pressed our foreheads together

"I love you so much, Lexi"

"I love you too, Lan. Rwy'n dy garu di, babi"

"Rwy'n dy garu di, babi" he said. Still makes me blush hearing him speak a tiny bit of Welsh.