Back Together

❤︎︎ Twenty-Nine ❤︎︎

Lando called me when he landed and I was high as fuck.

"Heeeeey, babyyyyy" I said on FaceTime. He could see how dilated my pupils were.

"Hey there, love... You okay?" He said while knowing full well that I was high

"I smoked a ton of weed!!!"

"I figured. You know I don't like it when you do that, sweetheart. It's not good for you. Are you feeling alright?"

"i feel like I'm on cloud nine"

"Well, that's not good. Can you please try to sober up a bit? I don't want anything to happen to you while I'm not there"

"I like it though!!!"

"Lexi, I understand that you enjoy it, but it's not healthy for you. And when you're high like this, it's difficult for me to have a conversation with you"

"it's fineeeee"

"Look, I'm going to leave now. Just promise me you'll be careful and try not to smoke anymore tonight. Okay?"

"don't end the call!!! I wanna keep seeing your pretty faceeee"

"Baby, I really do have to go now. We can talk more later, okay?" He said. I groaned and ended the call. He called me again after a couple hours and I felt like shit. "Lexi? Are you there?" He said. I propped my phone up on the bedside table and I had my head smashed in my pillow. "Hey, sweetheart. You're still feeling a bit high, aren't you?"

"mhm... but it's the bad part where you're in the middle of being high and being sober..."

"I know it's not easy, but we need to talk about this. You can't keep doing this to yourself. Can you promise me that you'll try to cut back or stop altogether?" He said. I nodded and turned to face my phone.

"I miss you..."

"I miss you too, babe. I want to make sure you're safe and healthy, okay? Let's work together on this, okay?"

"yeah... it just helps when I'm dealing with big feelings like when you got on the plane. it stopped me from basically having a breakdown"

"I understand that it helps you cope with big emotions, but there are healthier ways to deal with them. Can we talk about some of those ways? Maybe even try out a new coping mechanism together?"

"I can't think of any other coping mechanisms..."

"Well, there are lots of ways to cope with emotions. You could try writing in a journal, going for a walk or run, talking to a friend or counsellor, meditating...there are so many options"

"I have no friends, I hate people, I don't have a journal and I'll get too tired from a walk"

"Okay, that's a lot to unpack. I know it feels like you don't have any options, but you do. We can work through this together, and I promise to be here for you every step of the way"

"I just feel like complete shit"

"I know it's hard, but you are not alone. I'm here for you and we will find a way through this together"

"will we?"

"Yes, we will. I promise"

"i just wish you were here to hold me tight..."

"I wish that too. But for now, let's focus on the present and finding ways to make you feel better. I'm here for you, no matter what"