Back Together

❤︎︎ Thirty-Nine ❤︎︎

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. I did the drug test and I passed. I went back home and got back in bed with Lando. Lando wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck

"Do you ever think that we're not actually living and we're just in some random reality...?" I asked. It was something that had been playing on my mind for ages

"I don't know, baby. But what I do believe is that we're here for each other. And I'm not going anywhere, no matter what reality we're in"

"I just don't feel like I'm ever living. like I'm in a constant lucid dream or a random reality"

"I understand how you feel, love. Sometimes life can feel like a blur, and it's hard to tell what's real and what's not. But one thing I know for sure is that you're never alone. I'm here for you, always"

"I don't think you're real... you're just part of my imagination... I could never be loved" I said. He sat up in bed and put his hand on my cheek

"You are loved, baby. Very much so. And I promise you, I am real. You can feel my touch, hear my voice"

"you're not real... I don't believe you're real..." I said. He pressed his lips on mine but he still didn't feel real. Nothing did.

"I am real. Just let yourself believe it" he said. I didn't feel real... it was almost as if I was going to another reality. I never believed in shifting but I did after this. Out of nowhere I shifted to another reality. One that I didn't plan or anything. A reality where Lando hated me. A reality where he was trying to murder me. I don't know how long I was in that reality but when he stabbed me I woke up in my normal reality. Lando shouting "Alexa" a million times. I woke up screaming and I fell in Lando's arms while shaking like crazy. He had no clue what it was about but he didn't need to. He just needed to hold me. Him rocking me in my arms. Him saying "shh... shh... I've got you, baby girl... I've got you..." calmed me down. I was out of breath.

"Please tell me I'm in the right reality..."

"Yes, baby, you're in the right reality. I'm here with you, holding you tight. Let it all out, sweetheart"

"I was in the wrong reality... I don't know how but I was in the wrong reality and it felt so real... you hated me and tried to kill me hence why I screamed..."

"No, baby. That's not true. I would never hurt you, and I definitely don't hate you. Whatever you experienced, it wasn't real"

"it felt so real... I could feel everything... you killed me in that reality"

"That's not going to happen, Lexi. You are mine, and I will protect you with everything I have" he said. I was still touching all over his body to make sure he was real. He took my hands off him gently and stroked the palms of my hands with his thumbs to calm me down. "I'm real, baby. I'm right here with you. Just focus on my voice and let your fear melt away" he said. It took me ages to calm down. I only calmed down when I was cuddled in his arms while laying on the bed and he was singing to me... he always said he had a bad singing voice hence why he never did it but he didn't... he had the voice of an angel... it calmed me down so much... soothes me so much that I fell asleep calmly in his arms. I never had a reality shift after that... it still confuses me now...

"Lan... how do you deal with your mental health...? like you always manage to control it..."

"Well, Lexi, I'm not going to sugarcoat it - mental health is something I struggle with too"

"Well, yeah, obviously. but you always manage to somewhat control it..."

"The truth is, managing my mental health is a constant battle. Sometimes, it's easier than others"

"but mine seems to just be shit everyday..."

"And that's why it's important to keep fighting, Lexi. Even on our worst days, we have to push through and find something that makes us feel even a little bit better"

"I don't know what that thing is though..."

"Well, for me, it's the feeling of going fast and pushing myself to the limit. It's also spending time with you - you bring out the best in me, Lexi"

"i don't think anything will help me... just promise that you'll stay by my side"

"I promise, Lexi. I'll never leave your side. We'll face it together"

"I've got a feeling you'll win next race"

"I doubt that. But I'll try my best for you, Lex. I always do"