Back Together

❤︎︎ Thirty-Eight ❤︎︎

Lando was gonna take me shopping the next day. We got in the car and drove into the centre of Cardiff but my bad luck struck. It started raining. I had been terrified of the rain since my hypothermia incident. I had insane trauma from it. He knew about my trauma and held my hand while we looked at the rain hitting the car. He could feel me shaking

"Hey, hey, it's okay. It's just rain, love. You don't have to be scared" he said

"It's rain that could give me hypothermia and kill me!!!"

"No, love. You're not going to die. I promise you that. You're safe with me"

"I am gonna die!!! it will put me in hospital again"

"Look at me, love. I promise you, you're not going to die"

"I am... the rain is gonna kill me..."

"No, baby. You're not going to die. I'm here with you, and we'll get through this together"

"I don't wanna go out in it... it's gonna kill me..."

"Okay, love. We don't have to go out in the rain if it's making you uncomfortable. Why don't we just stay here until it stops?"

"it's probably not gonna stop for ages..."

"No, love. It's just rain. It won't take that long to stop. I promise you that"

"It still scares me. even in this car..."

"It's okay, baby. I know it's scary, but you don't have to be afraid"

"but I'll get hypothermia again!!!"

"No, love. You won't get hypothermia again. I promise you that. I'm here with you, and we'll make sure you stay warm and dry" he said. He got out of the car with his coat and ran to my side. He wrapped me up with his coat and hid my face with his chest and ran into the shopping centre. He was so wet but he made sure I was completely dry. He pulled the coat off my and put his hand on my cheek while stroking it with his thumb. "That's my girl..." he whispered while looking at me

"That was so scary..." I said with teary eyes

"It's okay, love. It's over now. You're safe and sound with me" he said while holding me close and rubbing my back

"it was gonna kill me... the rain was gonna kill me..."

"It's okay, my love, you're safe now. The rain is no longer a threat to us. We're inside the shopping centre where it's warm and dry"

"but we're gonna have to go back out there after..."

"Yes, we will. But not right now. We need to take a break and warm up before heading back out there. Come on, let's find a dry spot to sit down" he said. We sat down for a bit and then I tried to go on my phone but it already died. The battery was horrendous on it.

"this is a big ask, Lan... but I need a new phone... mine is on its last legs" I said. I didn't want to seem like I was using him for his money but I desperately needed a new phone. He smiled and stood up. He grabbed my hand and he took me to the Apple Store. He bought me a new phone and we went to a few other places but didn't buy too much. It was still raining. He wrapped me up in his coat and held me close. "I don't wanna do it"

"I know, sweetheart. but we have to go through it to get back home"

"but I'm gonna die in the rain... I'll get too cold and get hypothermia"

"Don't worry, I've got you. We'll make it through this together. Besides, we can cuddle up inside once we get there and warm up"

"but I'll die just going out there"

"I promise, you won't die. You're tougher than that. Just remember to take deep breaths and keep moving. We'll be inside soon enough" he said. I shook my head but we went out anyway. It got even worse when I slipped into a puddle and got completely wet. Lando picked me up in his arms and ran to the car with me hiding my face in his arm. He got me in the car and turned the heating on instantly and then took us home. Everything was fine in the end though because he ran me a really hot bath. Well... it was fine until I started looking for my weed again. I needed it. He pulled me away from trying to find my stash and pinned me to the bed. "We've been through this before, love. You can't keep using them to cope. It's not safe and it's not healthy"

"but I need them!!!!"

"I know you think you do, but you don't. You need help, and that's what I'm here for"

"I don't need help!!!! I just need my drugs!!!!"

"I know it's difficult right now, but tomorrow's drug test is non-negotiable. You can't keep putting yourself and our future at risk like this"

"they won't know it's my piss!!!! I'll just send yours and then I'll pass the drug test!!!!!"

"No, we're not doing that. You know the consequences of cheating, and I won't let you put yourself or our relationship in danger like that"

"fuck off!!!! I just want my drugs!!!!"

"I can't force you to get help, but I will not let you continue down this path. If you want me in your life, you need to choose between drugs and me. There is no room for both" he said. Was he seriously going to break up with me if I didn't stop...?

"Wha- what...?"

"I'm serious. You need to make a choice. Drugs or me. Because right now, you're choosing drugs over everything else, including our relationship"

"it's not that easy, Lan... I have an addiction, okay, I'll finally admit that"

"It's not easy, I know that. But you can't keep running from your problems, love. You have to face them head-on if you ever want things to get better"

"but I don't wanna choose between you or drugs..."

"I know you don't. But that's the reality of it. You can't have both, not if you want to stay with me. I won't sit back and watch you destroy yourself"

"it's just not that easy... especially when it's an addiction like mine..."

"It's never going to be easy, baby, but it's necessary. You have to be willing to fight for your life and your future"

"don't make me choose between you and drugs... I'm trying... I really am. but... it's just too hard of a decision right now..."

"I know it's hard, love. But I can't keep enabling you like this. You have to take the first step towards recovery yourself"

"I can't though... I need you to guide me through it or I'm just gonna run back..."

"Alright, let's make a deal. You promise me that you'll try your hardest to stay clean, and I'll help you in any way that I can"

"as long as you promise that I can make a joint after my drug test tomorrow and just have 2 puffs. 2 puffs and then take it away from me because I can't just cut it off completely... I need to slowly decrease my intake..."

"I can't make that promise. If you want to stay clean, you need to commit 100%. There's no room for compromise here"

"but I can't just cut it off completely or I'll go crazy and just fight for more of it... all I'm asking for is 2 puffs after my drug test and then no more..."

"I understand that it's hard, but you have to trust me when I say this is the only way. If you want things to get better, you have to make sacrifices"

"Lando, you know I can't just cut things off completely. I had to do it with my vape and I've got to do it now. I haven't ran back to my vape because I slowly decreased my intake and I need to do it this way too or I'm gonna run back to it"

"Alright, fine. But if you slip up and smoke more than those two puffs, we're going to have a serious talk about your commitment to this. And remember, tomorrow is just the beginning"

"I know... after 2 puffs you can rip it out of my hand"

"I'm not sure about that, but I will definitely make sure you don't smoke any more than what we agreed on"