Back Together

❤︎︎ Forty-Six ❤︎︎

We went home after a couple days and honestly just slept a lot and cuddled in bed. That's all we wanted. It got annoying when it came to me dreaming. All I could think about was babies. I went on Pinterest and looked at babies and pregnancy. I really wanted a baby...

"Babies?" Lando said as he looked over my shoulder

"I had a dream that I was pregnant and we had the cutest baby ever... then I woke up and realised that it was a dream"

"You... you had a dream about us having a baby?"

"yeah... it's all I've been dreaming about at the moment and no matter how many times I tell myself that it's too early for us to have kids... my brain just ignores that and keeps making me want one..."

"Lexi, maybe we should talk about having kids sometime soon?"

"Lan... we can't yet and I don't know if we ever will..."

"Why can't we? We're both healthy, we have a good life together... what's stopping us?"

"I wasn't healthy though... things have happened in the past..."

"What things, Lexi? You can tell me, you know"

"when I was 16 I had ovarian cysts... apparently it runs in my family... I was in hospital for quite and while and I had to do my GCSEs late because I couldn't finish school at the time and because of the cysts mainly being in one ovary they told me it would be best to have that one removed... and I went on the pill to stop the cysts potentially coming back because they come with my cycle being active but now I don't have as much chance at getting pregnant... I should have told you when we first got together but I was just scared that you would hate me because of it..."

"Oh, Lexi... I could never hate you for something like that"

"All I've ever wanted since I was little was to have kids but now I don't know if I can... it breaks my heart and every time I dream about babies... the trauma of everything comes back because I know I don't have as much of a chance..."

"Listen to me, Lex. What happened to you was unfortunate, but it doesn't mean you can't have kids"

"it kinda does... I've got such a low chance at having them... my mum was lucky to have me because of her having cysts too and same with my granny having her... they both went through 2 miscarriages before actually getting pregnant..."

"Lexi, you don't know that for sure," Lando replied gently. "Their experiences don't necessarily mean the same thing for you. Plus, there are options like IVF these days that can help increase your chances of getting pregnant"

"but it's also the risk of coming off the pill to get pregnant and then risking getting cysts again..."

"That's a risk you have to weigh for yourself, Lexi. But don't let fear of the unknown hold you back from trying if that's what you want"

"either way... we've only been actually together for like 5 months so it's probably too early anyways..."

"You're right. It is early days for us. But that doesn't mean we can't start talking about it and planning for the future"

"I want you to be a dad so bad just like you want but I just don't wanna disappoint you if it doesn't happen..."

"Lexi, you could never disappoint me. I know this is a difficult decision for you, and I respect whatever choice you make"

"i just don't wanna risk it... not yet at least..."

"Then don't risk it yet. I'll support you in whatever way you need me to. At the end of day, it's you who will be taking the risk and you who will be carrying the baby"