Back Together

❤︎︎ Twenty-Six ❤︎︎

We were sitting on our bed. Both in silence. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

"Come here, sweetheart. We need to talk about this" he said. I was still shaking and having anxiety twitches. I accidentally kicked and hit him so many times because of it. I felt so bad. "It's okay to be scared or upset, but we need to talk about this. I'm here for you, love. I know you've been through a lot, and it's not easy to admit these things. But we can get through this together"

"I just need it... it makes me feel better and gets rid of all the bad thoughts..."

"Listen to me carefully, sweetheart. You don't need drugs to feel better. You have me now. I'm here to support you and help you through this"

"but that doesn't get rid of the bad thoughts... I'm scared you're gonna kick me out again for it and then I'm gonna get hypothermia again..."

"I'm not going to kick you out. Ever again. As you called me that day; I was a cunt. And I promise I won't let anything happen to you like that again. We'll find another way to cope with the bad thoughts, okay?"

"I just need that weed..."

"I understand how desperate you feel right now, but relying on drugs is not the answer. It may seem like it helps in the short term, but it only makes things worse in the long run. What if you get caught or become addicted? It's not worth the risk, love"

"I'm already addicted... and weed's not illegal... is it?"

"it is. And even if it wasn't, I still wouldn't want you to rely on it. There are other ways to manage your stress and anxiety without resorting to drugs"

"I need it..."

"You don't need it. You have me, remember? I'm here to help you through this, not add more problems to your life. Please, let's try something else together"

"just let me have it..." I said. He knew I couldn't handle it. I was in a horrible state and was still twitching.

"Alright, if that's what you really want. But promise me you'll try other methods too, okay? And if it starts causing more harm than good, you'll come to me and we can find another solution together. Deal?" He said. I nodded and rolled some up into a joint.

"Where's my lighter...?" I said. He reached into his bedside drawer and passed it to me.

"Here you go, love. Just remember what I said about trying other methods too, okay? And if it gets too much, promise me you'll talk to me about it, alright?" He said. I nodded and took a big drag of the joint and I almost instantly started relaxing. I wasn't twitching anymore. He didn't let me smoke the whole joint though. He put it out and threw it in a bin. We cuddled in bed and tried to forget about the day. It was an extremely crazy one.

A few days later I was sitting at the kitchen island feeling literally ill. The drugs were helping at the time but they always made me feel drained after.

"Hey sweetheart, can we talk?" Lando said as he sat in the seat next to me

"what?"

"You know I love you and want what's best for you, right?"

"yeah"

"Well, I think it's time for us to face the truth. Your addiction isn't getting better on its own. In fact, it's only getting worse. We need professional help if we want to get through this together"

"if you talk to anyone about it then I'm getting sent to rehab"

"I get that, sweetheart. But remember, this is about your health and getting better. You don't have to go to rehab unless that's what you want. But I think talking to a professional might be a good start"

"it's all part of the system. you tell them, they ask how much I've been taking, they ask what drugs it is, they throw me in the slammer for having class b drugs and then I'm all alone in rehab for like 2 years"

"Sweetheart, I promise I won't talk to anyone about this unless you give me your permission. And even then, I'll be there with you every step of the way"

"I'm not going to rehab or getting thrown in the slammer"

"Okay, let's take it slow. I just want what's best for you. If talking to a professional about your addiction scares you, then maybe we can find someone who specialises in helping people with anxiety or stress?"

"I tried it before. it does nothing"

"I understand that, but maybe we can try something different? There are plenty of options out there, we just have to find the right one for you.

"there isn't a right one for me"

"I believe there is, sweetheart. I'm not giving up on you, so don't give up on yourself either. Let's explore some more options together, okay?"

"just take me to a fucking concert and that would probably help me more than therapy"

"Alright, let's do it. We'll go to a concert and have a great time together. Music can be therapeutic too, you know"

"there's no one that we like that's on tour at the moment"

"Well, I'll make sure to keep an eye out for any. In the meantime, let's focus on finding a professional who can help you manage your anxiety and stress. I believe in you, and I know we can get through this together"

"this is just so stressful and I hate everything" I said while banging my head on the kitchen island multiple times. Lando wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. You don't have to do this alone. Let's take a break from searching for the moment and just focus on taking care of ourselves. Now, what do you wanna do?"

"Cuddle up on the couch..."

"Come on then. We'll find something to watch"

"Is there any football on...?"

"I think so" he said while looking at Sky Sports. "Even better. I'll go get our shirts" he said. I was so confused but then I looked at the TV. Bristol City vs Cardiff City. At least it wasn't at home for Cardiff. I would have cried considering the fact that the stadium is right down the road. I actually had started to get Lando back into football. He even bought us shirts at the start of the 2024/25 season. He threw my Cardiff one to me and he already had his Bristol one on. It was gonna be a war that night.