Back Together

❤︎︎ Forty-One ❤︎︎

Lando took me to the beach the next day. The beach always calmed me down. Well, besides the water. He held me close the whole way to our favourite corner of the beach that was quite private. He put the blanket down and we cuddled on the beach. I hadn't slept well that night. I was having so many nightmares about Lando. I had to let that go though. I had to focus on after my birthday. I had an idea to release a new merch line a month ago but I hadn't told Lando about it. I had designs already figured out.

"Lan... you know how bad my self love is, right?"

"You know I think you're amazing just the way you are, right?" He said

"Lan, it's not about me talking shit about myself. I've been working on some merch recently and it's about self love. About my issues. I was gonna tell you this a while ago but I didn't. Basically my self love was even worse after you left our school. I got bullied and I started comfort eating but it got too much and I started gaining a lot of weight so when I was about 19 I started working it all off. I don't know how I managed it but I did"

"I had no idea..."

"it was really bad. I went for seconds all the time for food and I would constantly eat when I was at home. I was actually starting to get overweight for my age. hence why it's so hard for me to eat sometimes. some days I'm fine but some days I can't because I'm scared I'll start comfort eating again"

"You don't have to worry about that with me around. I'll always be here for you, and I promise to help you through anything"

"I know you will... but yeah, that's why I wanna do a merch line. do as many sizes as possible but also stock lots of bigger sizes and smaller sizes for people who might not be able to find clothes easily because they're too small or too big. I want everyone to have something that makes them feel good"

"That's honestly a wonderful idea. And you know I'll be there to support you every step of the way. I believe in you, baby girl"

"as long as you promise that you'll model some of it with me when I finish working on some of the designs"

"I promise. In fact, I'll even be your first customer"

"I'll give you every single piece that I make before it comes out"

"I can't wait"

"I just hope that it will help some people to overcome some eating disorders or harm disorders... it might save some people out there and that's all I want. for people not to go through the same thing I did"

"You're going to change the world, Lex"

"I don't think I'm gonna change the world, Lan... but I might change some things for some people"

"Well, then, you're already making a difference" he said. We looked out at the water for a bit.

"I really wanna go in the sea but I'm scared that it's gonna be cold and it's gonna give me hypothermia... I hate this fucking trauma of cold water all because of the time I got hypothermia..." I said while rambling slightly

"Hey, there's nothing to be scared about. I'll be right here with you every step of the way. We'll take it slow, and if you start feeling cold, we'll head back"

"I just don't wanna get hypothermia..."

"I know, sweetheart. But trust me, we'll be careful. And even if hypothermia does happen again, we'll know how to deal with it better next time"

"but I don't want to go through that again..."

"I know you don't. But remember what we talked about? We're in this together, and we'll face our fears together"