Antwoord - Joost Klein

20.

I opened the car door for her as she crawled inside of the taxi. The taxi driver immediately started rolling his eyes in annoyance at her level of drunkenness. He was at the end of a party street; he should have expected to drive drunk people home.

She was spread out on all three backseats, but I lifted her head, so I was able to sit down. Her head then landed on top of my thigh as she rested again. Her eyes weren't closed or anything, she was just gazing around for nothing.

"Are you alright?" I asked for the thousand times since we left the bathroom.

I was very cautious with the way that I touched her, so I only held a hand on the side of her head to make sure she wouldn't fall. I didn't want to make her more uncomfortable since I knew she would usually reject any form of touch and especially after how she had just been treated by that man.

However, she was very quiet and calm now compared to how she was screaming right before as I lifted her. It looked like her mind was going a thousand miles an hour with every frustration and insecurity floating to the surface.

"I just want to be home" She quietly whispered against my thigh.

She turned around so she was lying on her side as her hands came to wrap around my leg. I was a bit in shock as she initiated that form of touch, but I let her. My frustrations towards her from earlier calmed down as I saw her in this soft and vulnerable state.

"We'll be back on the tour bus in 5 minutes" I said as a comfort, but she didn't take it as that.

"No, that's not home" she stated.

"Do you mean Berlin or what?" I questioned.

"No, you don't understand. You never understand" With that statement from her I would expect her to pull away from me, but she hugged me tighter.

"Explain it then, I'm all ears" I said in a calm tone.

I had waited years to be able to hear her side but had never come this far. I knew it was wrong to use her when she was in this drunk state, but I was desperate to know what had caused this hate between us in the first place.

I know I was so confused who she was even when the rumours started. I had never noticed her or anything but then suddenly she was there talking as if she knew me personally, which made all my friends turn against me.

"You ruined everything. You ruined my day. The one day that was supposed to be my day" she said but I had no recognition of what she meant by it.

"What? How did I ruin anything that I don't even know about" I asked honestly which to her might have come across as arrogance, but I was simply confused.

"I'm sorry, I'll keep quiet" her voice went soft as her legs came up until she crawled up into a ball.

This was not the Eleanor I knew off. I had never seen her back out of an argument or go soft. She was one of the toughest people I knew of. Nothing could get under her skin. Eleanor was not someone you fucked over unless you had a death wish. She had contacts in every corner to always be a step ahead.

This was not Eleanor who was crawled up in a taxi, hugging my leg tightly. She was not the person whose voice would go soft just because someone told her off.

"Are you alright?" I let my hand lightly go over her hair to get in contact with her. I didn't want to force the touch, so she was only barely able to feel my fingertips in her hair.

"When are we home?" She asked instead of answering my question.

"Depends on which home you are referring to" I let my fingertips once more through her locks of hair as she didn't react to it the first time. She wasn't throwing a fit at my touch; she was calmed by it.