Antwoord - Joost Klein

42.

Amsterdam is the city of memorable moments. No one said that those memorable moments were the good kind, especially not when my mother was a part of them. She would always find a way to hurt me, even though she never intended to.

My mother always had the best intentions when it came to raising her daughter, it just depended on how you looked at it. She saw her little girl gaining weight and knew that her body wasn't healthy, so she found an alternative to help her get on the right path again. She saw potential in me in the model business and from a young age encouraged that lifestyle on me so it wouldn't have to turn my life around when I got older.

I lived with those encouraging words of being the best version of yourself, holding your head up high to gain respect, to be equal with the people around you by lifting them up too. She was a great role model when you put it onto those words.

But it wasn't how the result came across. Instead, my mother got a daughter with a horrible relationship with food, never showing weakness or sad emotions to anyone around her, never letting herself get comforted. She had ruined my life with her best intentions.

And now she was standing in the crowd judging the man I loved.

I had no idea that she even came to the show, she never told me anything but then again, she never did unless it was a criticism of my lifestyle.

I saw her from the balcony standing all the way in the back having her arms crossed over her chest. At first, I thought she was alone but then my head turned to the people right next to her: Amalia and Fleur.

I hadn't spoken to any of them since the last time I visited Amsterdam and for very good reasons. I didn't feel welcome by any of the three women. They all wished the best for me but with the back thought of getting something in return.

You can't be happy on someone's behalf on how they are doing, when you keep thinking about what you'll get out of their situation. Those things didn't go hand in hand.

I saw Joost jump around like his usual self, which I normally adored but this time I was horrified by it. I never wanted Joost to change himself because of others but seeing the expression on my mother's face as Joost moaned "I need you baby" on stage, I wanted his vocal cords to be cut off.

"What's gotten you so worked up?" A female voice asked as she stood beside me.

"My mother and my friends are in the crowd while Joost keeps fucking the air" I huffed out.

"So? That's what he usually does. I swear ever since I started filming for him, he always gets naughty ideas" Alanis chuckled.

There was a full reunion in Amsterdam tonight as all Joost's friends had joined him. Alanis, Apson, Stunje, and Daan had all shown up to of course see the show, but also because they would join us on the tour bus since we were heading towards Leeuwarden tomorrow. Joost had planned a huge party as we had a few days off in his hometown and decided to celebrate it with his friends.

I was so quick to apologise to them all for my drunk behaviour, and especially Alanis when they arrived. None of them took it personally to my surprise but all said that it was a mutual thing between Joost and I that led to my outburst. I was definitely the one in the wrong after making that comment about his mother but had since then gotten my apology accepted.

"I know and I love him for that. I love how he expresses his silly self on stage but my mother already hates him, so this does not make it any better" I explained.

"Again, so? If she already hates him then there is no reason for him to change himself to get her approval. Don't ever seek someone's approval that you know that you'll never get" she said very wisely.