Antwoord - Joost Klein

Epilogue

The sun was settling over the mountains just like it used to do when I was just a kid. A happy one with a happy family that was united on a sunset hill every Sunday. No work, no paparazzi in sight, no disturbance, just us in the moment.

A lot had changed since then but one thing that would always remain was the sun on a sunset hill. The hill might have changed, but so had I. It was all part of the new chance for growth to appear.

I couldn't continue on that sunset hill in The Netherlands. Too much pain involved in crying, lost tears for something I was out of control. Everything was taken away from me.

My job as Ski Aggu's manager. My will to keep eating. My own apartment in Berlin. My friends in the music industry. My boyfriend...or more ex-boyfriend.

Ever since that last night in Berlin where Joost decided he would take control of my life, everything changed. I was followed by the press to give inside knowledge of Joost Klein and his background. His "fans" would stop me on the street to either insult me or take pictures of me. I had no say in what I wanted anymore because everything was online.

It all became too much in a matter of weeks. I relapsed for the last time in Berlin and never returned. I was forced to find a new home where I could live without fearing being watched.

My mental health was at an all-time low and I couldn't even go to my person for a hug. Joost tried reaching out multiple times at first, his calls and texts were endless. Every time it rang, I wanted to pick it up and be right back in his arms because that was where I used to feel safe, but it had turned into the place that would haunt me the most.

I could never be with the man that would make me happy because of all his baggage. I never blamed Joost for the aftermath of what happened to me, it wasn't his fault that he had people wanting to know every little detail or flaw about his life or the people he loved. He couldn't do anything about the fact that people were interested in getting close enough to him, that they had to ruin the people in his path. I was that person in the way, who ended up getting ruined.

I had lived through the traumatic phase of it happening to my parents which I already thought was bad, it was nothing compared to how I felt when I was the one directly under the spotlight.

People started digging into my own life after they knew I had dated Joost. Some people had even found my medical record showing that I was anorexic. There was a split reaction from people to that one. Some said that they didn't understand why Joost would date a sick girl, whereas others felt pity for me. They thought of me as some weak whore who had thrown myself at Joost because I couldn't love myself.

The worst part was that the last part was true. I didn't love myself when I was with Joost, in fact I hated myself to the point where I would always return to drugs, denying food, denying peoples love if I had continued dating him all those years ago. I wasn't healthy, and it was slowly killing me.

In a sick way, the best thing that ever happened to me was Joost revealing my identity to everyone on social media. It was a wakeup call for me, I had to take action, or I wouldn't be able to stand here today.

I was a new person staring at the sunset going over the mountains. I wasn't the weak anorexia girl who would deny a hug from a stranger anymore. I was finally happy.

I travelled to Scotland with my father where we settled in a small village. The population was so small that I knew every name after the first month. It was far away from any disturbance from the media or people in general. I was able to reconnect with nature in the process of healing myself.

I learnt everything from scratch. Cooking for myself, studying to keep myself occupied, hiking in the mountains, completely shut off from every part of the world as I was there watching the sun. The only consistent thing in my life was that sun right there.

A light to guide me through life and heal myself from the inside before I started focusing on the outside. I learnt how to express my emotions and be honest with them. I didn't just dismiss them to have a breakdown later on, I dealt with them as I had matured.

As for Joost Klein, I hadn't heard a word from him in 4 years, which was when I last saw him outside my apartment in Berlin crying. He knew I was there alone in my bed, and I knew he was out there sitting alone on the curb. We were both so alone that night before we took the hard decision of finally letting go.

There would never be anyone that I loved more than him, but I had to move on as he moved on. I saw him in the news as he represented his country in Eurovision but ended up failing in the end. I saw how he was harassed by every media in The Netherlands. I saw how he kept asking for privacy but was denied it every single time.

Yet there came the difference between us. I ran to get better, but he stayed to get better. He was so sure that this was his path in life and was in love with it to let it go. Joost Klein kept fighting through it all, and I couldn't be prouder of him. He was an inspiration to everyone that no matter how hard life got and how much shit that was thrown at you, you should never give up.

I remembered that and I continued fighting through it all and before I knew it, I had achieved happiness. Not in my love life but that was also overrated when I knew I was able to finally feel happiness without relying on someone else to do it for me.

The perfect ending for two people so passionate about what they sought, that they had to go through fire and water to achieve it.

Joost Klein achieved worldwide success with people relating to him like no other. He wasn't alone, he never was because he knew he had helped thousands of people. He was destined to help people.

Eleanor Roosevelt achieved happiness that she had never felt before because of Joost Klein. She wasn't alone anymore; she never was because she knew she always had a friend to call when things got tough. She was destined to be happy.

And someday they might find their way back to each other to achieve love. Everything takes time and wounds take up to years to heal, but just because we were once hurt doesn't mean that we are scarred for life. We are only humans who deserve to be happy.

I deserve to be happy because I'm more than just a body. Joost Klein taught me that and I'll never forget it. He will always be in my mind, heart, and soul.

Authors note:

Well, that's that I guess. This whole book has been a bit of a roller coaster for me. I have gotten so much love for not only writing, but for the people who are there commenting, voting, or simply just reading. I have never experienced this kind of love before with my books and truly hope that it meant I was able to at least touch one person with my book. I've been through so much during this time, but have never doubted the love that the people have given me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak and to give a piece of my heart into this book.

Future?

Now for that hard part of this little speech that I have gotten quite a lot of questions about. I will not be writing another Joost Klein book, in fact I won't be writing at all. I feel like there is a limit to what I'm able to put out, and I have reached that. There is nothing more that I love than writing so this is quite tough of me knowing that I have nothing to start on. I will definitely continue on this app as a reader, but as a writer this is probably the end for me.

(Watch me post a new book next week, because I've gotten bored. Probably kidding, but you never know so I guess follow me if you ever want to know if I'll ever do another book)

I love you from the bottom of my heart, and thanks for being a part of this journey, kiss kiss