Antwoord - Joost Klein

13.

I had been locked inside of my own apartment for almost a month. It was the first time I had spent so much time in my own apartment for years. I would usually be at Aggu's apartment, but I wanted this tour to get finished so I knew I had to go in full work mode.

Aggu had stopped by a few times to check up on me, but he was busy himself with promoting the new song with Joost and finishing the setlist for the tour. He wouldn't stick around for long either since I had been busy non-stop ever since I got back from The Netherlands.

I made a quick stop by my favourite spot before I left. I got to collect a few thoughts and be in touch with nature as the hangover was passing. I felt so free up on that hill as I looked out on my hometown. All I wished for as I sat there was to go back 20 years and have my parents by my side.

It was so nostalgic, and I felt whole as I spent my time there whereas in Berlin, I felt a bit all over the place. I connected Berlin with work which wasn't a bad thing, it just didn't have the same free feeling.

As a manager in charge of the whole tour, it didn't just mean that I had to book all the venues, I had a lot more responsibility than that. I had to go on a tour bus viewing to pick the perfect one out. I had to book multiple trucks to transport each artist's stage gear. I had to book a crew that would do all the work while we were on the road. There was a lot more to it, but the worst part was that this was only all I had to do before the tour started.

It was a never-ending circle of work which I loved because it meant that I could put this passion and creativity into something that I enjoyed doing. It was a bit rough some days, but it took my mind off other things.

Things like eating, which wasn't something I had been doing a lot of this last month, but in the long haul it was a good thing because I was losing all that unnecessary weight without even paying attention to it.

The worst part of anorexia was the haunting thoughts but as I numbed them out with work, they disappeared for the time being.

I was packing up the last few things into my suitcases for the tour since we had to leave today. I had two full suitcases since we would be travelling for one and a half months. There were in total 18 shows in western Europe where we would tour.

The first show would take place in Vienna tomorrow, but we had to drive in the tour bus down there from Berlin. There were two tour buses: one for the artist and their people, and a crew bus.

I was the only girl in the artist bus but if I knew Aggu then that wouldn't last long. Not specifically because he was going to bring hookups back to the bus, but because he had a lot of girl-friends. The first part was, however, also going to be true.

I hoped that Alanis would join us for a little part of the tour too even though I didn't leave the best impression last time I saw her. I was drunk and not in the mood for anyone to comfort me with their touch, which ended up going out on her. But I really enjoyed her company at the start of the night.

I called a cab to take me to where the tour bus would pick us up. I did have to call for some assistance from the cab driver to help me with the luggage since I wasn't able to carry it at all. This was also one of the times where I wished that I were a weightlifter and not a runner.

The drive to the tour bus wasn't far but I still got to enjoy the last few glimpses of Berlin. I hadn't spent as much time in the city as I had wished for from when I got out of the hospital. I loved that I was finally able to work again but I wanted to have fun too, which was not something I had done the last month.

I needed a good night out and to hook up with someone. I had been celibate for too long now and that needed to change. What better way to do it than hook up with a stranger in a random city you would never see again?