Antwoord - Joost Klein

49.

The night was young. We lived in the present of each other's company as the late summer sun started going over the buildings. I was having an Aperol with my papa as he quit his job over the phone. He didn't even intend to go back to England and do it in person. He was too busy spending time with his only daughter.

My whole body had been buzzing with excitement as soon as he told me he had quit his job. He joined us for the tour bus ride to Leipzig but was planning to extend his stay in the city. It was big enough for him to still have plenty of opportunities to work, yet not big enough to ruin his whole mood while only focusing on work.

One of the main reasons why he wanted to settle in Leipzig was also because I was only a little over a two-hour drive away in Berlin. He enjoyed the Berlin life just as much as me but didn't want to get caught up in the whole big city life again.

"Finally free" My papa hung up the phone as he placed it in his pocket instead of on the table. He was already changing his behaviour which made me have hope for the future.

"So, what's going on with you, darling?" He asked me.

"I'm alright, well most of the time. Joost has been a big help" I said honestly. I took my drink and started taking a sip.

"So, he finally gave your insides a bit of a shuffle?" He raised an eyebrow and as he said that the drink I had in my mouth flew out making a few heads turn.

"PAPA!" I whispered yelled as he chuckled at it.

"I'm only messing with ya. But he is treating you well, innit?" He questioned.

"Yeah, he really is. I genuinely have nothing to complain about, I couldn't ask for anything more" I told him.

His eyes furrowed for a quick moment as he heard me speak about Joost. "But there is something to it, right?" He asked.

"No...?What do you mean?" I lightly chuckled at his reaction.

"I can see right through you, what is his flaw?" he bluntly asked.

"There isn't any. Joost is so kind, he will always make sure that I'm alright in a room filled with people, he will comfort me while I cry about nonsense, he will listen to me yapping about my love for every Arctic Monkeys song, he will eat the exact same as me so I don't feel guilty for it" I started mentioning just a few of the reasons why I loved him.

"But?" he added

"But Joost really loves making everyone else know how much he loves me. He keeps nothing private in our relationship to everyone else...which he also loves to share with not only our friends but the crowd at his shows" I admitted out loud.

It had been a small thing bugging me, because it generally meant nothing compared to all the reasons that made me love him. The problem only became real when he wouldn't understand why I didn't want my face to be public to everyone. There was a reason why I stayed on the balcony at most shows, so I was always able to leave or hide.

Joost was very affectionate with his love, and loved making people know that. It was a good thing to show how he felt towards me, but I knew how fandoms worked, it wasn't a pleasurable place for a woman dating a man that they wanted. They wouldn't stop for anything in their path to let their illusions become reality.

I saw how my parents got broken by the internet, even under Joost's hand. I didn't want to be in public relationship with Joost for his fans to see which I had said plenty of times. The time when he sang 'happy birthday' to me with the whole crowd backing him up, he couldn't see my side of it. His intentions were good, but he simply couldn't understand why I didn't want other people to be involved in our relationship.