Antwoord - Joost Klein

35.

It has been seven days. Seven whole days where Joost hasn't spoken to me. He has not given me disgusting eyes or said filthy comments like he used to. He has simply done nothing.

Every time we are all hanging in the dressing rooms or on the tour bus, he has barely acknowledged me. Every time I'm brought up into a conversation he is having, he just changes the subject very smoothly, so it isn't noticeable to the others.

The others had noticed it but decided to keep quiet, afraid to stir an argument that would lead us back to what we used to be. But then again, I had no idea what we even were before the train to Belgium.

I felt so confused all the time and in constant doubt about what I even wanted. I felt close to Joost but was that only physically or was there something emotionally going on? I hated the emotional side of me so maybe that's why I kept denying that part of me wanted to get close to Joost.

At first, I thought he just needed a minute to calm down and then everything would go back to normal but as the days went on, I started getting annoyed too. He wouldn't touch, speak or barely look at me and it was infuriating.

It was the last show in Belgium tonight which meant that one of Joost's friends would join us for the night. Joost looked so excited about it from the moment that he woke up and walked downstairs with a bright smile on. He had mentioned how much he missed having his friends close, and Nathan was one of them.

There was no denying that Dylan, Teun and Aggu were more good friends, but Joost always loved having a bunch of friends around him. One of his love languages was quality time so he wasn't the guy to spend hours on FaceTime with his friends, he would much rather spend time with them in real life.

I unfortunately hadn't had the pleasure of spending time with the happy Joost. I had been forced to be accompanied by Aggu at almost every single hour of the day. The only times I wasn't with him was when I woke up and slept, but even then, there was Teun around me.

Teun and I woke up earlier than everyone else in the tour bus so we would eat breakfast together. He taught me different recipes and made sure that we made it together, so I knew how many calories there were in it. It was still a habit of mine to count my calories, but I was taking it day by day.

The morning has become one of my favourites to my own surprise, but it was mainly the company I had. Teun and I would talk about every small thing that didn't matter in the world, yet we felt comfortable enough to talk about it.

When everyone else would wake up, I would go on a run with Aggu. He was more into weight training but decided to switch to running so he could accompany me. I knew it was because he was afraid that I would throw up in my runs since there was no one in sight.

I had only thrown up a few times so far. The only thing that had changed was the feeling afterwards. Normally I would feel free and so good about myself since I knew I had gotten skinnier, but now I felt even more guilty when I had emptied my stomach. The guys did everything for me and the disappointed looks after I would exit the bathroom was horrifying.

I wanted to crawl up into bed as I bawled my eyes out with a cute albino but couldn't get myself the nerve to ask. Every day that passed, I felt like I was losing what we had.

"NATHAAAAAN!" I heard a big shout from Joost in the dressing room.

I was currently too busy checking everything with the crew before the concert would begin. I had gotten into the routine and the crew finally knew how to do everything themself without asking me for help every third second, so it went by quickly.

I made my way down the hall towards the dressing room to meet the so-called youtuber. I saw a brunette boy giving tight hugs to everyone in the room as Joost smiled brightly at him. He looked so handsome when he smiled.