new years day (a tayvis fanfiction)

i wish you would

taylor swift's pov

it has been a week since the accident. travis is angry at anyone who speaks to him, but he's more angry with himself. he's on crutches and is still able to move around but he refuses to do anything. i had to bribe him to do simple tasks such as showering or eating. i know this is taking a toll on his career, but it's also harming everyone around him.

"daddy cuddle?" gracie asked travis. she bounced around in anticipation waiting for travis's answer. "not right now." he muttered. i saw gracie's little happy face drop into a frown. we didn't tell her what was going on because it would just confuse her. but now she thinks travis just wants nothing do to with her.

she came running into the kitchen with tears falling down her chubby cheeks. "daddy say no cuddle.." she wrapped her tiny arms around my legs. "gracie, listen to me okay? daddy is very hurt and he's also upset. he just needs time to heal so that he can play again." i bent down and kissed her damp cheek. she nodded but was still a little upset.

———————

later on when gracie was in bed, i decided it was time to talk. "travis.." i sat on the edge of the couch where he was laying. "i know this is really hard for you, but you're taking it out on all the wrong people. gracie thinks you want nothing to do with her. i know you're hurt but you could atleast let her cuddle with you, she loves you so much trav." i explain.

"im angry taylor, im angry at everyone. i don't have the mental capacity to care for a toddler right now. i can barely care for myself." he says in an angry tone. "care for her? she wanted to cuddle for like a half hour? i have been caring for her by myself while you sit on the couch. so don't try and play that card. i'm trying to defend you being an asshole but it's not working."

he rolled his eyes and continued to watch tv. is this what it's like to be a single mom? because that's exactly how i feel right now. nothing could beat the defeat i felt in that moment. i twiddled the golden ring on my finger.

      i stared into the living room from the kitchen. the man who once made me feel so loved and safe, now makes me feel like a terrible person.

      i filled a glass of water to take with me to bed but i couldn't help but let the tears get the best of me. i sniffled a bit too loud. "taylor?" travis met my eyes. he saw my red puffy face wet with tears. i wiped my face with my sleeve and proceeded back to bed.

      as soon as i closed the door behind me i collapsed on my bed. mascara stained my cheeks and the white comforter. i grabbed my phone and decided to call my mom.

      "hey taylor. what's up?" she asked. i tried to get a few words out without crying. "mom please, everything hurts. my heart is shattered in a million pieces. he's treating me like this is my fault! i don't understand." my voice trailed off as i sobbed.

     "honey, this is not your fault. he's being an asshole because he knows he did this to himself. just give him some time, im sure he will brighten up." she explained. her words somewhat cheered me up.

      all night i couldn't fall asleep. my bed felt so empty and cold. i stayed on my usual side and just stared at the dent in the bed that usually holds travis. my pillow was completely stained with mascara, as i was too upset to take it off.

        i was scrolling through instagram when i heard my bedroom door creak open. light poured through the pitch black bedroom. "mama?" a squeaky voice said.

      "oh hi baby girl. what are you doing awake?" i squatted down next to the sleepy toddler. "mama cry?" she pointed to the mascara running down my cheeks.

      "yes, mommy was crying. but i'm okay now." i placed a kiss on her forehead. "bluey?" she asked and smiled. i couldn't resist those blue eyes. i picked her. up tucked her in my bed.

     her and her bluey stuffed animal snuggled up close to me. i put on her requested show and held her. "i love you gracie." i placed a kiss on her head before drifting off to sleep.

authors note:

sorry about the short chapter but don't you worry the next one is gonna be wayyyyy better. any guesses?