Ultra Blue Violence (Dabi)

Chapter Eighty-Eight: Jansky

Who said escaping that place meant you were free? The time after leaving Russia she was told repeatedly; she was free. It was a lie. And they made her believe that. Miya didn't see it at the time but it was just one cage to another. She remembers most of her time in that hellish winter-land. Bits and pieces of it occasionally come back to bite her in the arse, then there are times when she reads the report and CANNOT remember the majority of what happened.

It left her wondering sometimes; did that really happen or am I dreaming it?

But the more she read on, the more she seemed to remember. The longer she kept her balance on the gymnasium beam, the more she kept thinking about it. And the more Dark Matter she was unknowingly creating.

Freezing coldness slowly made its way from the soles of her feet and into her ankles. She can't remember what it was like not being able to feel her toes or fingers, but she remembers not being able to feel them. She remembers she couldn't move them from the position they froze in.

Freezing harsh winds blew through the trees to nip at her red cheeks and nose. It violently whipped her hair around her head and blew strands into her eyes. No matter how hard she hugged herself she couldn't circulate enough warmth. Miya remembers each step she took in the snow, the colder and heavier and slower she became. No matter how much her legs burned she had to get away as far as possible. Body going numb - the snow getting deeper.

From grey clouds, bold and daunting, they overtook the skies shaking the land with wintery cold confetti snowflakes that made no sense to count than the sand on the beach or stars in the sky. Here, she saw no stars. Just icicles that started to form over her skin. She remembers crying but before her tears could fall they froze.

Maybe she only got a couple of yards away from the mansion in the middle of the cold mountains, but she got away. All she remembered thinking was,

(I don't wanna die!)

(I don't wanna die!)

She constantly looks over her shoulder. Looking around with wide eyes dried out from the cold she was paranoid there were things following her. I don't wanna die; over and over her voice kept saying in her head when her voice failed. The slender naked trees moved in the corners of her eyes, following her route, and came part of the blizzard around her. No matter how far she thought she got the trees always looked the same. They never moved.

(I don't wanna die!)

She was going to die out here in the desolate snows of Russia's backyard.

(Please kill me already!)

Miya stands balances on a narrow beam. Her left leg hiked up to mid-thigh. Her arms are lifted to her chest - elbows out and palms facing upwards relaxed. Eyes are closed. Concentrating on keeping her balance on the beam a meter above the ground. Miya draws in a slow long breath and she holds it... she lets it out. All other noise in the gymnasium is blocked out. So deep inside her mind she doesn't hear Toga calling her name.

All that there was, was Miya, the bad memories, and Dark Matter forming a protective ring around her body. No matter how many times she revisited these memories the outcome was always the same. Dressed in nothing but a shirt way too large to fit her shoulders properly or provide any protection from Russia's harsh nature. She saw her opportunity to get out and she took it. Dying in the snow was a bittersweet relief to the torture inside that castle. Still, she didn't want to die.

(That was a long time ago)

She tries to tell herself. Miya opens her eyes and when she does Dark Matter disappears like it was never there. She lowers her other foot and she leaps from the beam to the ground. Miya stretches her arms over her head with a slight groan.