INTERNAL CRIES

Kabanata 21

Kabanata 21
Ain’t Belong

Pareho kaming tahimik ni Kheeno habang binabagtas namin ang tahimik, mapuno, at madilim na kalsada papasok sa hacienda. Pareho kaming walang imik matapos ang pag-uusap namin.

"I don't get why you forgot me, Arden. I don't get why you changed like this... I don't get why you... forgot about me." His words echoed painfully in my head, each syllable stabbing deeper into my heart. The confusion twisted inside me, gnawing at every memory we supposedly once shared.

How could I not remember him? How could I simply erase him from my life? It hurt to think about how distant I had become—of how I could look at him with such unfamiliarity. 

The ache of his words lingered, a constant reminder of what was lost.

"I don't understand why you've forgotten who I am, Arden," he whispered, trying to make sense of the inexplicable.

Each repetition of his words intensified the pain, like a relentless hammer pounding against my chest. The disbelief welled up inside me, mingling with sorrow and a profound sense of betrayal.

‘How could someone I supposedly held so close vanish from my memory?’

This question swirled unanswered, leaving me stranded in a sea of uncertainty and hurt.

‘I don’t know why you didn't remember me, Arden. I don’t know why you became like this. I don’t know why you... forget about me.’ I repeated in my mind what he just said.

I sighed because of it.

Bakit ang gulo-gulo. Ang daming tanong ang gusto kong itanong sa kanya, pero natatakot ako sa magiging sagot. 

I wanted to ask him what his place was in my life. Why did he seem so familiar, yet I couldn't place him?

This question churned inside me like a stormy sea, each wave crashing against the walls of my confusion. His presence evoked a strange mix of recognition and mystery, leaving me grasping for answers that seemed just out of reach.

But as I looked at him, the words caught in my throat. How could I confront him about something so personal—so intimate? I couldn't even bring myself to be ready for his possible answers.

The ache of not knowing gnawed at me, yet I hesitated, unsure of how he would respond. The tension hung heavy between us, a silent plea for understanding amidst the turmoil of emotions.

Makikita ko rin sa mga mata niya na marami rin siyang gustong itanong sa akin, pero pinili niyang manahimik.

I have this weird feeling that only if he's near can I feel it. Takot? Yes. I am afraid of him, and I don't even know why.

It's really frustrating. This whole situation is just so confusing. I wanted to ask him to explain what's on my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Just the thought of asking him scared me so much.

I felt a knot in my stomach every time I considered speaking up. The fear of his reaction held me back, keeping me silent when all I wanted was clarity. The weight of uncertainty pressed down on me, making it impossible to find the right words.

Nakahinga ako ng maluwag nang tuluyan nang pumasok ang raptor ni Kheeno sa hardin ng mansion.

The soft glow of the garden's warm light from the potted trees at night makes the moment a little bit dramatic. It made me feel like I was in a fairy tale, where I could imagine myself as a princess and him as my knight in shining armor, rescuing me and leading me home. 

But that illusion shattered quickly.

In reality, there was no fairy-tale romance. We were strangers now, or rather, he was a stranger to me. The eerie light seemed to highlight the distance between us, emphasizing how far apart we had drifted. It was a stark contrast to the warmth and familiarity I once felt in his presence.

As I stood there, the night seemed to deepen around us, casting shadows that mirrored the uncertainty in my heart. The garden, once a place of peace, now felt hauntingly unfamiliar.

The realization weighed heavily on me, stirring up a mix of sadness and confusion. It was a painful reminder of how swiftly things can change, leaving me longing for a reality that no longer existed.

‘I'm neither a princess nor him a knight in shining armor. We are strangers—no, he's a stranger to me.’ That's a harsh reminder for me.

Nang tuluyang tumigil ang sasakyan ay agad na akong bumaba nang marinig kong naka-unlock na ang pinto. Hindi ko na hinintay si Kheeno na pagbukasan ako.

I heard him sighed when I jumped down a little since his car is tall and I have a cute height.

I heard the other door open, kaya huminga muna ako ng malalim bago ito hinarap.

Kheeno jotted his hands on his pocket and stood straight in front of me with an expression that I couldn’t read. He looks devastatingly hot in his posture.

He cleared his throat, kaya umismid ako.

Iyong inis ko sa kanya lumampas na sa Burj Khalifa sa taas.

“Uhm... about what happened earlier in your office—” I cut him off by watching him using my dagger eyes, kaya napabuntonghininga ito.

“I’m sorry,” he said, hirap-hirap, kaya gusto ko siyang barahin. “I... d-didn’t mean to shout at you. I-I was just—”

“Let’s not talk about it, Mr. Urzua. I don't want to talk about what happened in the past,” putol ko ulit sa sinasabi niya.

Ano, nakokonsensiya siya ngayon dahil sa ginawa niya? Ha! I can't believe him!

“Thanks for the ride. I hope you won't insist the next time my father calls you to do a favor for me. I don't really need it. I can handle myself well,” dagdag ko.

He just sighed, still staring gently at me.

Gusto ko siyang singhalan at sabihing ‘wag siyang titig-titig sa akin dahil galit ako sa kanya. Gusto ko siyang sitahin sa paninitig niya.

“And don't worry, I’ll make sure that he won't bother you again once he tries to insist on calling you,” I said again bago ako tumalikod at nagsimulang maglakad sa hallway. Saka ko lang pinakawalan ang irap na kanina ko pang pinipigilan.

Ang sarap niyang tirisin! Porke’t gwapo siya, ginagano’n-gano’n niya ako! Akala niya madali lang akong suyuin, porke’t nag-sorry siya.

“But I’ll make sure that he will need me to take care of you, Arden. You don't know me at all.”

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad dahil sa narinig. It sounds like he just whispered it, like he only said it to himself, but I heard it loud and clear.

I turned to face him, gazing at him insultingly, and a smirk formed in the corner of my lips.

“Pardon? It's not ‘I don't know you at all’, Mr. Urzua; it's ‘I don't remember you at all’,” I said before I left him and continued walking towards our house.

I heard his car’s engine when I was inside the house, kaya alam kong paalis na ito. 

Hindi ko pinagsisihan kong ano man ang nasabi ko kanina, because it's true. It's not that I don't know him; it's that I don't remember him. At all. Dahil hindi ko naman talaga siya naaalala. He doesn't belong to those people whom I should remember and let into my life, again.

If he's part of my past, then good for him that he knew me. But knowing that he doesn't belong in my present life means he doesn't deserve me from the past. The fact that my father didn't let me know about him means he ain't belong to my present.

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GorgeousYooo 🍍