We All Fall Down

Chapter 4

Rick

"Oklahoma is playing at the cinema. We should go!" I slid up next to Patrice just as she shoved a few books in her locker. Since meeting my parents, we'd decided family dinners were not necessary. My mother remained surprisingly silent about my relationship with Patrice, and my father only asked that before I made any permanent decisions, to truly think it through. Being a person who spends most of his days thinking only of his future, I assured him that I was keeping a level head. Patrice had limits. I would learn how to navigate them the same way she would offer the same in return for me.

As we grew closer, I learned her schedule and enjoyed walking her to class. I took a bit of pride in watching her friends' envious stares when they'd see roses on her seat as she walked through the classroom door. It felt good knowing guys wished she was with them, but she was mine. I made sure she never had a reason to look at anyone else, because I knew nobody could ever make her feel as happy and treasured as I would.

Together, we could do anything and that made me hopeful for our future. The closer I came to graduation, the more I didn't feel like having friends in high school was all that important. If you thought about it, you'll never see those people again because most who grew up here, couldn't wait to get the hell out. I didn't want Patrice to fall into the footsteps of her parents and end up having regrets. She was too special and had too much to offer the world than to waste it on anything that would steer her off track. I looked forward to the day when I would walk across that stage and know with certainty what lay ahead for us.

"Sure." She didn't look up at me, rather just stared into the shadows of her locker. "A movie sounds great."

"Something wrong?" I asked, offering to carry her books as she softly closed her locker door, pressing it gently until it latched shut.

"The girls got together this weekend and didn't invite me," she furrowed her brow, looking up at me in pained confusion. I know it hurt her feelings when her friends didn't include her as much anymore, or sit with us at the prom, but it just further proved my point that they didn't really care about her the way I did.

"I'm sorry. Who needs them anyway?" I gave her a light jab and turned toward her classroom.

"Well I do, Rick," she stopped walking and tilted her head. "You graduate in a month. I'll be here for another year. I need friends. I want friends."

I paused, realizing what a jerk I'd been. One of my old buddies from basketball elbowed me and waved as he walked by, hand-in-hand with his girl who was in deep discussion with the girl on her right. Looking over Patrice's shoulder, I noticed most everyone seemed to have relationships outside of their significant other.

"I've been selfish and sucked up all of your free time, haven't I?" I raised my eyebrows and smiled, hoping she would forgive me for unknowingly driving a wedge in her friendships.

"Maybe a little bit." She held up her fingers showing me the inch-sized wedge of Rick.

"Look. I'll buy tickets for you and your friends. You go to the movie. We can celebrate our one-year later," I winked and continued walking past her.

I see her slap her palm to her forehead in my peripheral.

"Oh, Rick! I'm an idiot! Our anniversary is Friday, isn't it?" She rushed up beside me. A teacher grumbled about class needing to begin, and that we'd better move along.

"No, no. We still have the rest of the weekend. I'll just have to make our date extra special." I kiss her on the tip of her nose and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Really? You don't mind?" she asked, grinning ear-to-ear as she shuffled toward her classroom.

"We have forever. They can have Friday night," I say, because what I have planned is far more important than the movie.

_______________________________________

Reflecting on the past always gives you more perspective, hindsight being 20/20 and all. At the time, I couldn't see beyond how deeply I loved her, how drawn I was to her ambitions. Looking back as an adult man, I was able to understand that my parents had their own reservations, but wanted me to figure it out for myself and make my own decisions. I admit, if they'd have tried to get me to split up with Patrice, I would have never spoken to them again. Hell, I'd barely spoken to my own friends who tried as much.

So, as I stood waiting for her friends to bring her in secret after the movie. I'd asked that they drive her to our spot overlooking the lake at the municipal pier. I ignored the nagging little voice telling me to run the other way. I'd increasingly found myself explaining away her oddities, like when she would claim she'd forgotten to eat or that she wasn't hungry at all for days, or her mood swings which I chalked up to her time of the month. I wasn't a man who was turned off by such things, my mother taught me about a woman's body outside of what most men were interested in.

I simply accepted all of her. I lit candles in the shape of a heart. Her friends were instructed to blind fold her so when she opened her eyes, the first thing she'd see was me on one knee. She looked so beautiful that night, standing there with the wind whipping her hair and dress, her eyes glistening behind her tears in the moonlight as she took in the scene. Her friends squealed behind her, hopping up and down at how romantic it was.

Patrice was wearing a white summer dress that kissed the tops of her bare feet. I paused a moment wondering where her shoes were and if she'd gone to the theater without them. The candles below cast dancing shadows on her face and lit her up as if she were an angel from Heaven. The sound of cicadas always a part of my memories with her. Our own personal chorus. I will remember that night for the rest of my life. Her friends slowly stepped back, their feet shuffling in the soft, wet grass. My left knee now soaked through, but I didn't care. I would have stayed that way forever if it meant she'd always look exactly as she did right then.

"Patrice Nadine Carter, I have loved you since the very moment I saw you. In the last year, you've taught me so much about life and opened my eyes in ways that have made me a better man. I know I have so much more to learn, and I am sure to be a bonehead from time to time, but if you can see past that, I promise that I'll try to be better for you, for the rest of your life. Will you marry me?"

I heard her friends scream with glee as Patrice clamped her hands over her mouth. Her entire body trembled as she let out a sob. I mentally pushed aside something in the split second after she choked out "Yes!". Something I hadn't allowed myself to focus on at the time, but over the years has haunted me. I ignored it, because I loved her more than whatever it was trying to warn me from. I was confident we could overcome any obstacle. Despite what we went through, and despite what she continued to do, I stayed. Because even as her worst, even after what she did to us...I loved her.