We All Fall Down

Chapter 42

Roach

I didn't know how to approach Rose's parents and apologize for what I'd done. But I also didn't know how to face John if she didn't make it. So, I sat by Mary Beth's bedside, trying to make her laugh and waiting to hear the news, whatever it would be. We talked about her plans once she recovered, and I promised to visit her even though I wasn't entirely sure that I would. As much as this experience had brought me down to earth, I didn't know that I could be the guy she would ultimately regret, the one big fat stain on the memory of the best years of her life.

"Why do you do that thing?" she asked, presses her fingertip to my eyebrow.

"What thing?" I smile and dip away.

"That thing where you think everyone is so much better than you?"

"Aren't they? I mean, you're all going to college, John has NYU on the horizon and all of your plans hopefully wouldn't include near death experiences, especially if I'm not involved."

"Any of us could have been at the wheel, J."

"Yeah, but it was me. It's always me."

"You keep believing that," she cleared her throat and adjusted her blanket.

"What do you mean?"

She licked her lips and I brushed her hair from her face. "I mean, that if you keep pretending to be the fuck up, you're not giving yourself a lot of room to not fuck up. But nobody is expecting it. I kind of wish you'd stop so..."

"So, what?" I ask, my neck flushing.

"I don't know...I'd like to know that when I'm away, that we could, I dunno...try this?" she giggled, then winced.

"You know I don't do relationships," I leaned back in my chair.

"Yeah, I wish you'd stop sayin' that too." She patted my knee weakly. I could tell she needed to rest, so I kissed her cheek and walked out into the hallway. I noticed Rose's parents in the hallway walking toward me.

"You're Joshua, right? And you're close to John?" Mr. Mayfield spoke to me while Mrs. Mayfield stared through me as if I didn't exist. She looked terrible, which was expected after what has been going on the last couple of days, but right then she looked particularly removed.

"Yes Sir, do you need me to do anything?" I ask.

"I need you to keep John away from Rose," he said with a dry, expressionless tone.

"I don't understand? He just saved her life? Why would you do this to him?" I stood up straighter and planted my feet.

"There are some things that have come to light that he won't understand, and it's better for everyone if we sever ties as soon as possible," Mr. Mayfield bowed slightly and moved to escort Mrs. Mayfield away. Her face was pale and her eyes stayed fixed to the ground. I stood watching them turn away from me, not knowing what to say or how to react. And then there she was, standing in the gap between their heads about fifty feet away.

"Joshua...oh my God I'm so happy you're here!" It took several seconds for my brain to connect the pieces. There she was. Patrice rushed toward me as I gaped at her, stunned. Flashbacks of the last time I saw her flew through my mind until I felt dizzy. She threw her sun kissed arms around my shoulders. I remained frozen. My feet were cemented in the ground.

"Patrice? What are you doing here?" I managed to force the words out when my body stopped holding me hostage. I tried to shove my own pain out of my mind. The pain from today and the pain she'd caused. Something told me that what I was struggling with was far less significant than the true reason she showed up.

"My son and husband were in an accident, why wouldn't I be here?" She looked genuinely stunned that I would question her.

I cupped the back of my neck with one hand and pointed towards Rick's door with the other. Patrice nodded and gripped my hand, tugging me along with her.

"Josh...there's something I have to tell you. Something that John doesn't know about and you have to help me out with it, alright?" she said as her eyes darted around.

"Does it involve him?" I ask.

"Yes...well...and Rose too," she says pulling me into a private waiting room. I spot Rose's parents sitting in the larger waiting room cattycorner to ours. Mr. Mayfield is staring at us. I force him to make eye contact with me because I'm afraid to hear what she is about to say. All I knew for certain was that it would be heavy. I took a deep breath and turned my gaze back to her.

"Patrice, just say it. I will help however I can".

"Rose is my daughter...my biological daughter. And before you say anything, I didn't know. Not until recently. A few minutes ago, actually. I was shocked as well when they told me. I mean...how does someone have a baby and they don't know, right?! It's crazy, isn't it?" She laughed and spoke in quick spurts of words. I couldn't fully comprehend what was happening, what she was confessing.

"Patrice! Slow down...what the hell are you saying? John and Rose are brother and sister?" Holy shit, I was expecting just about anything but that.

"Not exactly," she twisted her fingers together. The rings on each of her nicotine-stained fingers clinked together.

"I had an affair right after John was born. I got pregnant and miscarried...at least I thought I did when I was...when they took me to...I wouldn't have given away my baby!" she crumpled into my chest.

"So, George and Ruth adopted Rose?" My brain couldn't keep up with what I was hearing.

"Yes. Rick placed her without telling me. You have to tell John!" her voice sounded rushed and desperate. "He won't let me in his room."

"Patrice, you need to calm down. John can't handle this right now..." and just as the words left my mouth, she popped up off of me and gave me a glare that was so full of hatred.

All I could think in the seconds before she tore out of the hospital was that I hated whoever was the father. Whoever I had to share her with that resulted in something tying them together, forever. Nothing we'd ever done had brought her back...but this did. And in the most insane and selfish way, I was jealous.