We All Fall Down

Chapter 28

John

We drove for five hours until all the girls started to ask where the next gas station was because they needed to pee. I saw the gas tank was running low anyway and Mickey was prone to carsickness, so before he had to go through the humiliation of puking out of the window, it was a good idea to stop and stretch our legs.

Mary Beth and Jo quickly unbuckled and raced inside. I noticed their hesitation once they flung open the doors to the entrance. I wasn't sure exactly what town we were in, but looking around, there were no other stores and the only other car must be the clerk who was working at the counter. I handed Roach a few bucks for the gas and walked over to the phone booth that was positioned around the corner, praying it was still in service.

I dialed the number to my house, hoping Ben would answer. It rang faintly four times before I heard a click and gentle breaths on the other side.

"Hello?" my father's voice was shockingly weathered as if I'd woken him from a sound sleep. It was just after dinner time. I'd never known him to doze off so early in the evening.

"Heya, Dad..." I wasn't sure what to say now that he was on the phone. "It's John, I just wanted to check in."

"Ah, John," he sighed. I told myself that the shitty phone was the reason for how poorly he sounded. "Trip going well so far?"

"Yeah, just a lot of driving and not much to see. Should be nice once we get there," I say.

"I'm glad you're doing this. Going on an adventure with your friends. You'll never regret it, son," he cleared his throat and then there was static on the line. I worried the call was dropped, but then I heard Ben's voice.

"John!" he sounded surprised that I called. "What's it like over there?"

"I'm nowhere yet, but I'll call with more excitement when we get there. Is a...is mom back?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

Ben snorts, "Nope," he lowered his voice. "Are you going to come back?" A flash of heat burned through my nerves. Ben was angry with me.

I kicked at the dry dirt that lined the edge of the gas station. "I should have talked to you before I left..."

"Yeah...you should have," he agreed.

"I uh, I got a job up in New York. My scholarship covers my tuition and dorm, but I will need to work." I ran a hand through my hair, anxious like I was talking to someone of authority and not my little brother.

"So, you aren't coming back."

I hated myself.

"Well, I need to come back to pack, but I will leave the next day," I made sure to give myself very little time between my return and when I had to leave.

"Figures," Ben exhaled and the static crackled so loud that I shouted asking if he was still on the line. I heard the girls talking to one another as they exited the gas station and Roach waved, letting me know everyone was ready.

"Listen, I'll call you when we get to the house. Okay?" I promised.

Ben waited so long to respond that I thought he hung up. I was about to do the same, when I heard his small voice through the receiver, "He's sick, you know?"

"Who's sick?" I asked, knowing exactly who he was referring to.

"Dad. He's sick. He took care of her when she was sick, and she left him," the unmistakable tremor in his voice made me queasy.

"Don't you worry about Dad. He's tougher than he seems," I offered, not truly believing my own words. "Look, I gotta go, but I promise I'll call soon. And if you need me to come home—"

The phone call drops and my stomach plummeted along with it. Ben had never gotten angry at our mother. He'd always seen the best parts of her, even when those parts hurt us. I suddenly felt so selfish, but I couldn't very well make Roach turn back on my account. I jogged back to the car and felt Rose's eyes on me.

"Everything alright?" she asked, true concern in her soft voice. Roach purposely turned up the radio and made an obscene joke to Mary Beth to distract her from what I must look like.

"Yeah, just haven't left home for longer than a day before. My little brother is worried," I said.

She smiled and reached over to squeeze my hand, "I wish I had a sibling. Must be so nice to know your brother misses you already."

I stared down at her polished nails that rested on the top of my fingers. Where our skin met felt like it was on fire while the rest of me was drained completely.

"Yeah," I agree as Roach pulled back onto the road. "Yeah, he's a good kid."