We All Fall Down

Chapter 48

I take her to the only place I knew to go, cheesy as it seemed.

"The pier?" she giggled beside me, and the sound of it took me back to that summer and how ignorant we all were.

I shrugged and turned the car off before getting out and rounding the hood to open her door. "I have nothing but honorable intentions," I bowed and waved my hand for her to exit. She jokingly slapped my shoulder and walked down to the stoned path that lead to the pier.

It was an unusually quiet evening, there was only one other car, but we noticed it was empty. I looked up and down the bank and saw an older man fishing with a young boy. I looked back and Rose was already halfway down the pier. I rushed to catch up, "Where is everyone. I feel like this place used to be packed on a Friday night."

"Things change," she shrugged and kept walking until she reached the end. The wood was old and splintered, but someone left behind a beach towel, so we spread it across the edge and slipped our shoes off. I helped her to sit and she swung her legs over to dip her toes in the water. She squeaked at the chill, then allowed them to lower deep enough to go halfway up her calves. I bent and rolled my jeans up and did the same.

"So, you're liking it in New York?" she spoke first. A safe question.

I nodded, "I do, actually. It's so different, and I think I needed that. Things at my house were so stressful. I felt like I was suffocating."

"Hmm," she bobbed her head, "I know the feeling all too well."

"How is your senior year?" I asked. "And why were you alone on a Friday night?"

I watched as she kicked her feet lightly in the water. Her toes were painted a soft pink that matched the sunset. "It's going well, but if I thought my parents were over protective before, it's like hyperdrive now. They made me quit cheer because they were afraid I was too weak. I'm fully recovered now, but what's the point? I graduate in a month."

"Where are you going to school?" I asked.

"Well, they think I'm going to get my basics here at the community college. But I applied to Brown and got in. I'm waiting for the right time to tell them. That's kind of why I was at Birk's tonight. I needed a minute," she took a band from her wrist and began tying her long blonde hair up into a knot on top of her head.

Brown is not far from me.

"I did write to you," I said, unsure if it mattered anymore.

"Well, I didn't get it. Like I said, ultra strict parents."

"I'm s--" 

"John, stop apologizing. It was a summer trip. I knew the rules. You needed to escape and you did." I tensed at her words. As much as she claimed not to be upset, it's clear she still held some resentment.

"I needed to escape here, not you. I wrote the letter so you'd know that. I was trying to see if there was a chance for us to...I dunno, keep in touch until you graduated," I spoke quickly so she wouldn't cut me off.

She considered my words, folding her legs underneath her to warm her feet. "I kept having this dream after the accident."

"Yeah?"

"Not as often now, but for weeks I would be back in that hospital bed, feeling so tired and trying to talk, but my throat kept closing up. And then my mom would be crying to the doctor, screaming at him to help me because she couldn't, that he wasn't doing his job. Which, you know, very typical mom, but then my dad kept saying test the boy. Just weird. I know dreams are like, a way for your body to work out stress, but it felt so real."

Of course, the boy in her dream, is me. 

"I know it was you," she interrupted my thoughts, and for a second I thought I'd spoken them out loud. "I know you saved my life." Tears welled in her eyes and spilled over her cheeks.

"It wasn't just a summer fling to me. At least, I didn't think of you that way." I wanted to reach over and hold her, comfort her, but it felt like such a fragile moment.

"My mother wedges herself in every part of my life. School, activities, friendships. It's like she lives vicariously through me and obsesses over me. I don't feel like I'm living my own life. She even lied about saving me to maintain control over me! God forbid I have a connection with anyone else more than I do with her," she choked on her words and buried her face in her hands.

I couldn't help myself. I scooted closer and wrapped my arm around her thin, vulnerable frame. "I get that. I really do."

She pulled back and looked up at me. I could feel her heart pounding in her chest against mine, but all I could do was remember that I'd told her I would be a gentleman. I am leaving in 2 days. She will be going to Brown. She deserved to start her adult life on her own terms the same way I had been able to. I felt her hand twine through my arm. She pinched lightly at the skin on my knuckles then ran the tips of her fingers along the length of mine. "You saved my life. Brown isn't that far from NYU," she spoke softly.

I swallowed, understanding the meaning behind what she'd said. I heard a car door shut in the distance, and I think of the man and his son packing up their tackle box, hoping they'd caught something.

Rose looked up at me and in that moment, I had hope that maybe that wouldn't be the last time I saw her. That she was choosing to see me because she wanted to and not because it was what I wanted. I leaned in slightly and watched her run her tongue along her bottom lip. For the first time, I was happy to be back. But it didn't last long, because just as I allowed myself to think it, I heard her voice.

"John? What in the hell are you doing here with her?" 

My mother has arrived.