We All Fall Down

Chapter 49

"What are you doing here?" I asked over my shoulder. Rose's eyes widen at my cold voice.

"I went out looking for you. We were hoping to have a nice family dinner considering we are all in town," she took slow, deliberate steps toward us and I became more rigid the closer she got. "Should have known you would want to run off and find her."

Rose and I stood up, cornered and wondering which version of my mother we were going to receive. Well, I was wondering, Rose was looking at a woman she'd only heard of through the town gossip. Like folklore passed down over generations. I hadn't spoken to my mother since the hospital, and I can't say that I'd missed her. In the year away, I'd felt more calm than I had in my entire life and just being near her again drudged up the ghosts of old wounds. I'd taken a psychology class in my second semester and learned about childhood trauma and how it effects you even if you couldn't remember what happened. It's in you, forever.

I turn to address Rose, "I'll take you home." She nods and smiles, crossing her arms nervously over her chest as if she'd been caught doing something wrong.

"Weren't you going to introduce us, John?" My mother planted her feet 10-feet from us. Her eyes twinkled in the way they always did when she was teetering on the edge. I rolled my eyes and didn't reply, rather just held Rose's hand and tugged her down to pass my mother so we could get to the car. "I guess we don't really need an introduction, though, do we?" she called after us, snark laced in her voice.

"Just ignore her," I instructed. We were 25 feet from the car and the sun was slipping quickly down below the tree line. Rose didn't speak, but I heard her quick and shallow breaths as she hurried along.

"Don't you want to know why?" Her voice felt as though she was only steps behind us, like her voice was the wind itself.

I still didn't respond. I knew better than to engage her. We were 10 feet from the car.

"What does she mean?" Rose whispered beside me.

"No idea," I replied, because I didn't. I heard her feet leave the wood of the pier and began shuffling through the grass. I turned back briefly, she was still calmly following behind. It was unnerving how serene she appeared, because she did nothing without purpose. Even if it made no sense to anyone else, my mother did everything with focused intention.

"You have such pretty hair, Rose. Interesting how you have such beautiful blonde hair while your parents don't." I sighed heavily and felt dizzy with rage.

"Go back home and leave her alone!" I growled toward her, but I had to admit that I was curious what she was getting at.

We reached the car. I fumbled for the keys and shoved it in the door so I could quickly open it for Rose to get in. Just as I got it open and stepped back to allow Rose space to get in, she hit us with a boulder.

"I had that same, shiny blonde hair when I was your age. Of course, it's dull now, like everything else when you get older. But I must say, it's like looking into a mirror of the past with you," she was close then, arms reach. Rose's face blanched and she looked like she was about to be sick.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I turned to face her, the act alone felt like I'd opened a door that I never should have. One that was never meant to be opened and one that would never be closed.

"I knew they would never tell you," my mother threw her head back, exasperated. "I tried at the hospital, because of course your father hid it from me, too. He controlled everything, you know?" she placed her hands on her hips and pursed her lips. "Rick never seemed that intimidating. He was always such a wisp of a man, a spineless...well, I guess I shouldn't speak ill of the dead. He was your father, after all. But, he did have a way about him that got people to trust him. Like a sneaky snake..."

"What. Are. You. Saying?" I ground out through my teeth. I shouldn't have asked, I should have just shut the door and got in and drove away. But I was frozen. I hated my mother, in that moment it was confirmed. Still, I wanted to hear what she was about to say. Something bigger than me held me there, forcing me to listen because even though I hated her, she was about to reveal something huge, something important. Something devastating.

"I am Rose's mother," she let the words fall over us.

"Oh my God," Rose crumpled inward, curling into a ball. "What is she saying?" she added, looking up briefly, her face twisted and anguished.

"How?" the word released from my mouth without any encouragement.

"I was pregnant with her during a very dark time." My mother's shoulders sagged as if relieved to finally say it out loud. "Your father found out I had an affair, and after I'd had a little mishap with you, he put me in the crazy house. He told me that I miscarried, that my fit had caused us to lose our child. He blamed me for her death!" Tears spilled from her eyes and her words became rounded with a renewed sense of agony.

"For all that time, I thought I'd lost my baby. My baby girl that I'd always wanted, and when I finally got her, he...he took her away," she coughed out a sob and tilted her head at Rose, taking her in. She did favor her. And just as I began connecting the dots, there was something in the recesses of my mind that told me it was true. I couldn't have been much more than a year old when it happened, long before I was able to preserve any memories, but I knew it was true. My body sagged against the car as she continued.

"Those people had the audacity to allow you to save her without telling you why it had to be you. They lied to you, they lied to her, Rick lied to all of us!" she laughed now, a pitchy, wild cackle. "And I'm the crazy one! Isn't that funny?!" she bent over, wrapping her arms around her waist and laughed.

"Take me home. Please," Rose spoke softly from within the car. I suddenly felt filthy. I didn't want to be anywhere near her, and not because she was my half-sister that I was very close to doing things with that would be considered illegal in most states, but because just like I predicted, I ruined her because I had been ruined. My mother ruined everything.

I eyed her for a few seconds, watching as she stood there simultaneously crying and laughing, likely feeling a strong sense of validation for herself, but I had no sympathy. I didn't want to comfort my mother at all. I wanted to get away from her, away from here. Away from the lies and torment and shit. But I had to stay until the funeral. I owed it to Ben. I closed Rose's door and edged my way to the driver's side, "You stay away from the house. I better not see you at dad's funeral," I shouted, my words chipped and broken. I didn't give her a chance to respond.

 It was dark by the time I threw the car in reverse, the sun was only a faint glow along the horizon as I pulled away in silence. I thought I saw Roach's truck parked on the farther side of the clearing, but I couldn't focus long enough to be sure. The only thing I could think about was that Rose was sitting beside me. Rose. The girl that I thought I had a special connection with in all the ways you'd want to with your first love, but turns out it was because she was my sister.

My fucking sister.

And everyone knew but us.