We All Fall Down

Chapter 51

John

Rose was still curled in a tight ball beside me, whimpering and dabbing her eyes with the sleeve of her sweater. I didn't know what to say to her, how to explain that this feeling she was having was grossly normal for me. I expected nothing less from my family, but hers was now completely turned upside-down, and she now carried the burden of having to confront her own mother. Or, I guess the woman who had played the role of her mother for her whole life. Was she ever going to tell her that she was adopted? Surely, the scare at the hospital had threatened to blow the roof off of their happy home, but mother's tend to be good at lying to their children.

Santa.

The tooth fairy.

Unconditional love.

Why not this?

"Just so you know, I really had no idea," it was probably the dumbest thing to say, but I honestly had no clue what to tell her. "I'm sorry that's how you had to find out."

Rose didn't speak for a while. She stared out at the road, but I could hear the questions swimming in her head. Birk's pizza place came into view, and I knew this would be the last time we saw each other, and was both relieved and deeply saddened. As I pulled up into the empty parking lot, aside from Rose's car, she turned slightly, but stiffly toward me, "I'm sorry, too. I'm still in shock, but it makes sense, doesn't it? I never felt like, connected to my parents like I saw other kids were. I always thought it was because she was so overprotective, but turns out it's because she was keeping this secret from me my whole life."

I laughed cynically, "What are you going to say to your parents?"

She chewed her thumbnail and shook her head back and forth, back and forth, "I guess I just have to be straightforward, you know?" she scoffed, "It actually is perfect, because now I can tell them I'm going away to college and they can't say a damn thing about it."

College. That conversation seemed like an eternity ago. The idea that she was going to be only a few hours from where I was went from feeling hopeful, to painful.

"Word of advice?" I shifted into park and turned to face her. She waited for me to continue and I winced at how distraught she looked, how destroyed she was because of my mother. Because of me. "Don't be so hard on them. You wouldn't have wanted Patrice as a mother."

"I can't wait to get the hell out of here," she said before opening the car door and getting out. I expected her to get in her own car and take off, wanting nothing to do with me, but she paused and twisted back around to face me. "This isn't your fault, John. Don't let her hurt you anymore. I know I won't. We are in control now."

I swallowed, my throat too tight to have spoken even if I had words to say. I lifted my hand, offering a wave goodbye. She gave me the saddest smile before getting into her car and pulling out of the parking lot. I didn't want to go back to the house, but I also didn't know where else to go. I slammed my fists into the steering wheel causing the horn to honk loud and echo into the night. I screamed obscenities and heaved, feeling like vomiting again or crying or punching someone in the face. I needed air, so I threw the door open and began pacing the parking lot. My shoes crunching on gravel, kicking at an empty soda cup that someone didn't have the decency to throw away. I heard wheels scraping as they turned into the lot, and so help me if my mother followed me here...but, it wasn't her. I saw Roach through the rolled down windows, country music was blaring as he drove up beside me, his face sullen as he turned his truck off and waited.

"You knew, didn't you." I felt feral, spit flew from my mouth.

I watched as he opened his door, cautiously as if entering a lion's den.