We All Fall Down

Chapter 32

John

Over the next couple of days, everyone had officially coupled off. Mickey had gone from a constant shade of crimson, to a deep pink anytime Jen was around. Roach and Mary Beth spent a lot of time in the master suite, only emerging to eat and re-hydrate. Rose and I had not taken things as far as our friends. I wanted to respect her, and since I was leaving, I didn't feel comfortable putting her in a position to feel hurt or disappointed. But it was growing so difficult. Every moment I spent with her, I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to do more than kiss her.

The third afternoon of our trip was relatively quiet and a summer rain kept everyone inside. Rose found a library of sorts in the room she originally shared with Jen, before Jen decided to sneak into Mickey's room. Roach teased him about it, but he maintained that his religious views and morals kept him from taking it any further than kissing. Jen, Mary Beth, Roach and Mickey found an old deck of cards and decided to play strip poker in the game room that was attached to the garage. So, the main house was left to Rose and me.

I decided it would be a good time to check in with Ben, so I found a quiet spot and stretched the landline to a leather chair that smell of cigars and expensive cologne. The sound of the rain against the window at my back was soothing and helped calm my nerves despite not quite understanding why I felt so anxious to call my brother.

"H-hello?" his small, sleepy voice answered on the third ring.

"Taking a nap?" I asked.

"John! Hey!" he perked up. A shuffling sound crackled into the receiver then cleared. "Yeah, I was up late last night."

"Oh yeah? What's goin' on?"

"Nothing!" he said too quickly, like he'd been caught in a lie when I hadn't really accused him of anything.

"Mom back or somethin'?" I fingered the cord of the blinds, twisting the string around my index finger.

"No...she hasn't even called. Not that I thought she would. Just...feels like she isn't coming back this time." Ben sighed. "Anyway, how's the trip going? Do anything cool?"

"Yeah, it's super nice here. Roach's parents have a house on a lake. We caught a bass as long as your arm yesterday! Kayaked a bit. Grilled burgers." As I listed off our activities, a weight of guilt felt heavier and heavier on my chest. I knew something was going on at home that Ben wasn't telling me, and I couldn't even admit to myself at the time, I didn't want to know what it was.

"That's cool," Ben yawned.

"How's the old man?" I looked up as I said it and noticed Rose peeking around the door. A sweet smile played on her lips.

"He's fine. I'd put him on, but he's uh...he's napping too."

"Good...that's good," I said as a humid silence hung in the air, threatening to suffocate me. "Well, I gotta let you go. I'll call again in a day or so, okay?" I said half-heartedly, and didn't even listen to his response before I hung up and bolted out of my seat, through the room and outside into the downpour.

The raindrops were warm and fat as they pounded against my skin. My feet sloshed in the puddles, the smell of wet grass and summer filled my nostrils as my heart raced in my chest. My entire body trembled with a feeling I couldn't name, and I wasn't sure if the rain was obscuring my vision or if I was about to black out.

"Hey..." her tone was comforting and steady despite having to raise her voice for me to hear. I fisted my hair on either side of my head as I whirled around to face her. My chest heaved and my body ached as if the very air I was breathing, was pressing in all around.