We All Fall Down

Chapter 23

Rick

My stomach churned at the sight of Ben watching his brother loading a duffle bag into his friend's car. I should go hug my son...hug both of them. Nevertheless, my feet wouldn't move. I stood in the same spot John left me, stirring the chili I made and had no appetite for. I didn't ask where he was going or when he would return, and I didn't blame him for not telling me. I'm his father, but even he knows I hadn't earned the title. He made that quite clear in our brief interaction the night before. So much left unsaid, yet what would it have helped?

The sound of music was muffled through the closed front windows. I heard the car rev up and whispered my goodbyes as I ladled chili into a bowl for Ben to eat when he was ready. The rest, I scooped into Tupperware to freeze, but at the last minute, I made a bowl for Patrice too. She would be hungry when she got home, I'm sure. I left a note on top of it for her to microwave it for 30-seconds, stir, then add another 30-seconds.

The effort drained me, so I decided to take a nap even though it was already late. Becky recommended a book to me a few weeks before. If I found myself up late, maybe I'd crack it open. Maybe Patrice would be in a good mood when she came back from Bingo and would want to watch the late-nights with me. More likely than not, I'd need to help her into her pajamas and tuck her into bed. The one I had never slept in.

Ben moved from the front door once the boys drove away and sullenly shuffled to his room. There was a knock at the door, but I didn't have the energy to answer. If it was the postman, he'd leave it at the step. I no longer had friends who would stop by other than Becky, and I couldn't even face her. She would be mourning John's departure just as much. Secondarily, she'd know something was wrong with me. I'd successfully avoided her for weeks, and even I could see how gaunt my face had grown. My sunken eyes, the grey pallor of my skin. No. No, I could not face Becky.

Instead, I waited for whomever it was to give up. Once the coast was clear, I peeked through the sheer curtains and noticed a gift-wrapped box on the doormat. I opened the door and quickly lifted it from the step and saw it was a gift for John. I looked up to see Becky staring out of her front window and she gave me a nod, a tissue wrapped finger dabbed beneath her eyes. I nodded back in thanks and stepped away into my home. I left the box on the coffee table, a promise to myself that John would be back for it. I just didn't know if I would be here when that time came.