We All Fall Down

Chapter 47

I got in my father's car and was consumed by the odor of cigarettes and marijuana residue. The leather seats were cracked and worn and soda cans littered the floor. My father used to take such care of his car, like he did most things he possessed. He was the polar opposite of my mother, which is likely what drew him to her all those years ago, but while some opposites attract, their particular flavors did not go well together. They created horrors at every turn, like a bad bout of food poisoning.

I rolled the windows down and let the warm breeze air out the car as I drove. New York was still fairly cool out, and I was already growing used to the different climate. There is a soothing nature to the south, however. We may not have the seasons, but we have the quiet, the serenity of being alone. I purposely avoided looking at the Leonards house as I turned away from the neighborhood. I wasn't quite ready to face her. I wasn't ready for any of it, honestly. So I decided to reacquaint myself. I drove to my high school and was oddly comforted by how nothing had changed. Of course, in just a year's time, it wouldn't have. I had changed, I had become someone altogether different.

Next, I made my way to the old pizza place we used to frequent after practices. It was packed with new faces, but the same staff. I could see their tired faces through the thick-paned glass. I suddenly felt pretty hungry considering I'd just puked the little I did eat earlier in the day and decided to go in for a slice. A bell chimed as I tugged the door open and my mouth instantly watered at the aroma of fresh garlic bread and melted cheese. 

"Heya, John!" Birk, the owner and pizza-maker extraordinaire waved at me before his face twitched and he followed up with, "So sorry to hear about your dad." I cringed as several faces turned, their expressions sorrowful. "What'll you have? It's on the house." Birk said as he spun a round raw circle of dough in his hands.

"Just a slice of pepperoni, thanks," I smiled and made my way to a table in the far corner. I wish I'd brought a book to have something else to focus on other than the reality that everyone is now pretending not to stare at the guy who is only back in town because his dad died. I should have asked Ben to come along with me instead of leaving him home alone with our mom, but I also didn't like the idea of her being there with dad's body. Who knows what she would have done. In her own demented way, I think she does feel some sadness or remorse now that he's gone. She can't be a total monster. 

A waitress quietly set a drink in front of me, "It's Dr. Pepper," she darted her eyes from the drink to me like she's waiting for me to confirm that I did, in fact, want a Dr. Pepper. Which I did. It's the only acceptable drink to have with Birk's pizzas.

I thank her and take a sip, relishing the fizzy sweetness as it hits my tongue.

"John?" a soft voice whispered from my right. 

I looked up and my heart slammed into my stomach, "Rose! Hey!"

"How have you been?" I can see in her face that I'd hurt her, that she held on to it. The question is a polite courtesy, but her eyes scream I-hate-you-for-abandoning-me.

I shift in my seat to face her, "Okay...just busy with work and school, you know?" Although, she probably didn't know. I'd left without a word. I'd gotten home and couldn't pack my bags and hit the road fast enough. I should have felt ashamed for not trying to go see her, but Roach made it clear, in so many words, that her parents wanted me to stay away. "You look great! I mean...I didn't get to see you before...and I wrote, but I understood you probably didn't want to hear from me."