Aiah's POV.
I will sound selfish.. kung sasabihin ko sainyo na i love it when it rains. Kasi hindi lahat, kasing palad natin na may nasisilungan. But it was the only sound that can make me remember that i still exist. A year after I loss my vision, i forgot what the world looks like and i can't remember a thing about colors because right now all i can see is color black.
Angelo Jake, or Jake was my first boyfriend. He was the University's campus crush when we met during our freshman year, we instantly bonded because of the connection that we had. Months after, he confessed his feelings for me, I was the happiest girl. Sure, there were fights but it wasn't like the kind of fight that will lead into break up. Si Jake ang naging number 1 supporter ko lalo na nang masali ako sa mga pageant ganito pala pakiramdam na mangulila sa taong hindi na babalik. Everyday of my life, i wake up to a dark vision with only the memories of Jake inside my head ni hindi manlang ako nakapag grieve sakanya because his parents blamed me for what happened.
Maswerte nalang ako, andiyan yung kapatid niya. Si Maloi. She is the only connection that i have para makasagap ako ng balita kay Jake although hindi kami lagi nakakapagusap. But, Jake loves her little Maloi so much and i remember na lagi namin sinasamahan yung kapatid niya kapag wala ang parents niya sa bahay.
I was ready, i had it all planned out sa isip ko. Yung wedding, yung buhay ko after College kasi i have Jake with me. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I can't find myself na magmamahal ako ng ibang tao aside from him. We promised to each other that we will build a life together, he came from a family na maayos silang pinalaki ng magulang niya at may kaya sila so he wanted the same for us. He wanted us to have 2 child para daw balance pa din kasi dalawa lang sila magkapatid at dalawa lang kami din sa pamilya na anak. We had it all planned out, but i guess God also had a different plan for the both of us.
I didn't just lose my vision, i loss the love of my life too. The one who brings color to my life. I remember one Sunday afternoon.. umuulan nang malakas and Jake invited me over sa labas, we played kahit na maputik he loved the rain kaya ako, i started loving the rain too. It was my vivid memory of my Love.
I didn't know when was the last time i was okay, my mom travelled from Cebu to look after me. Ako na ang pabigat sakanila, she assured me all the time na hindi ako nakaka sagabal but i can feel it. I know, I'm something na hindi dapat iniiwanan mag-isa dahil nga bulag ako.
Good thing, i have Ling. A stray Cat that i adopted and Jake's favorite kalaro. Lingling is my companion lalo na kapag may mga kailangan asikasuhin si Mama at kailangan niya lumabas talaga. I have Ling to assist me and to look after me, if totoo ang reincarnation i would think sumapi si Jake kay Ling because the way this Cat ensures that I'm okay is the same way nang pag-aalaga sa akin ni Jake when he's still alive.
Andito ako sa Condo ko ngayon, naka-upo. Katatapos lang namin mag rosary ni mama dahil it's Jake's death anniversary. It's been one year already, one year but the painful memory stayed with me up until this day. I cannot even tell this to my mom dahil... i worry na baka mas lalo siyang mag-alala and with her being around me all the time alam ko na she worries a lot.
Naka-pila na kami sa eye bank, isang organization na tumutulong sa mga taong namatayan at gustong ibigay ng mga mahal nila sa buhay yung mata nila. Pero, mukhang mailap dahil hindi naman lahat ng pamilya or kamag-anak willing mag donate ng mata sa di nila kakilala.
If i were to ask, kahit siguro hindi na ako maka-kita. Pero, i know how my mom wanted me to be normal again kaya pinupursigi ko na maging normal kahit mahirap. Isa pa, we even went to different doctors para sa mata ko and if possible na maoperahan nalang ako but.. the accident really gave me a hard time to make everything possible again. Kaya kahit yung pinaka maliit na pag asa ko... wala na.
But I'm not complaining, this is I think what's supposed to happen naman. And it happened, i know na may magandang kakahinatnan ang lahat kahit na matatagalan pa.
I just want to be normal again, I want to see the world pero at the same time ayoko na din. Nagtatalo ang isip at puso ko dahil, wala na din naman na si Jake kaya ano pa saysay kung makaka-kita ako?
Habang bumabagsak ang ulan sa labas, katabi ko si Lingling. Dinilaan niya ang kamay ko, alam siguro niya na nagiisip na-naman ako nang kung ano-ano. Gusto ko sana wag na mahirapan ang mga tao sa paligid ko, gusto ko na sana maging maayos ang buhay ni mama at maka balik siya sa Cebu.
Do i ever think about disappearing? Of course! Lalo na nang pinagbawalan pa ako maka-punta sa funeral ni Jake. Pero, i wouldn't want to make a scene dahil pare parehas kaming nawalan. Sila nawalan ng anak at kapatid ako naman, nawalan ng makakasama habang buhay.
The idea of love... i don't believe in it anymore. Ayoko na may isa na naman na puso ang masaktan, most especially mine. I have it guarded with high walls so no one will ever dare to climb and isa pa, paano ako makakahanap ng pagmamahal? Eh ni hindi ko nga makita ang paligid ko kaya i gave up sa idea ng Love, i know na it's not meant for me.
Tumayo ako dahan-dahan at naglakad papunta sa Piano habang dala-dala ang baston ko, naramdaman ko si Ling na pumunta sa Lap ko pagka-upo ko sa upuan ng piano. Hinimas ko ito, kinapa ko ang bukasan ng Piano ag nagsimulang tumugtog sa iisang piyesa na kabisa ko kahit na hindi ko man makita ang Piano.
Kasabay nang pagtulo ng ulan ay ang pagtugtog ko, ito nalang ang nagpapakalma sa akin. Knowing na ito nalang din ang pwede kong gawin at madinig.
