His Ruthless Revenge (A Dark Bully Romance)

Chapter Fifty Nine

April

I completely broke down when I got his letter.

It came through the post a couple days after I found out Chase didn't want to see me anymore.

After Kerry told me what he'd decided that day, I tried so hard to convince myself he didn't really mean it. He was probably panicking and not thinking straight but he would soon realise that it was a catastrophic mistake and take it all back.

Except he didn't.

Instead, I received his letter and it felt like I'd lost him all over again. I wept for days afterwards and really don't remember much after reading his final goodbye to me.

My mum's tried her best to be supportive but nothing she says or does can take away the excruciating agony I'm now going through.
The weight of my misery is so intense and all-consuming; it feels like I can't breathe properly and there's absolutely nothing anyone can do one to ease the indescribable pain I'm going through.

Only Chase.

Except he's not here. He chose to let go; despite the fact that I wanted to wait for him and had no intention of leaving. He still gave up on us in the end.
Of course I also realise that's not what he was really doing when he wrote me the letter. He told me he was finally letting go and despite the fact that I hate his decision; I also understand it.
I know we've caused each other enough pain for a lifetime and the fact that Chase even encouraged me to move on with someone else proves what a complete transformation he must have been through.
Of course the thought of moving on and someday meeting someone new is the last thing I want and have no intention of opening myself up again to be so hurt.
There's only ever been Chase and I finally realised that when he came looking for me again. I acknowledge now that I did have feelings for Finn and managed to fool myself for a while that I was building a life with him but it hardly took any time for Chase to dismantle it all, which proves our foundations weren't strong and it wasn't meant to be.

My daily life is so different now. I haven't been to work in months but know I need to make a permanent decision about that soon as I can't remain on the sick forever. One of my main concerns in going back was working with Miranda but a collegue of mine told me she quit a couple of months ago which was a relief.
I'm sure she's read about Chase going to prison in the paper and although I know that Finn will be happy to hear it, she won't be. Miranda had such strong feelings for Chase and even though they weren't ever reciprocated the way she thought they were, I'm sure she's still hurting from everything he did.

Mum gently suggested that I move back home with her a couple of weeks ago and I reluctantly agreed. It made sense seeing as I don't need to be close to work anymore and didn't have a place to call home once Chase went to prison.
Neither one of us wanted to stay in the cabin and refused to do so after the police told us we could resume occupancy again. It held too many bad memories after their investigation and I never set foot in it again after that fateful night.
Chase and I planned to move back to the house we once shared but I couldn't bring myself to face there either. It was in his name anyway so the house went on the market as soon as Chase lost ownership of it.

Mum and I have adjusted to our new routine since moving back home. Something I go along with on the surface but deep down, I'm still in absolute torment; grieving the man I love and the life I wanted with him. It's utter torture. Absolute torture that I can't escape from and the physical pain I'm engulfed by doesn't get any easier.
All I want is him. My mind and my body can't seem to find any peace and the ache inside me grows bigger every single day.