Thrown Into Trouble

Unexpected nightmare

Alex's pov
As soon as I got up I was ready to go to the hospital to see my mom so I woke up Dylan and Blake and then got dressed after taking a shower and while I took my shower Dylan and Blake got dressed and then made us brunch since it was 10. We got to the hospital at 10:30 and as soon as we got there and they pulled up to the front of the hospital I got out of the car and Blake and Dylan told me to call them when I'm ready to get picked up and I tell them ok. I'm not sure what happened that caused Clara to call me to tell me to come here while we were on the way here but maybe it could be a good thing but when I get up there and I see her I know something else bad happened because she has tear stains on her cheeks and her eyes have unshed tears in them. "What happened..?" I ask "you are going to want to sit down for this dear" she says and I gulp knowing this is going to be really bad if she is saying that.

I do as she said and sit down and she takes a seat across from me "in the early morning hours she had a brain aneurysm burst which the cause of it was that her blood pressure kept fluctuating and was going up and they couldn't get it to go down very much but they also said any stress from her original brain injury also could have made it burst" she says and I take a shaky breath and nod for her to continue. I know she has more to say but was just letting me process what she already said "when they did her other surgeries they didn't even know the brain aneurysm was there so it took them a bit to even realize she had one that burst" she says and I have a bad feeling I know where this is going but i'm trying to have faith and not think that way because maybe that's not what happened "by time they found it and took her to surgery plus all the other injuries she had prior to it, it was to late" she says "no" I say without thinking before speaking it just happened to come out "Alex i'm so sorry but she's gone" she says and I just shake my head.

This can't be happening. It just can't, this has to be some sort of nightmare except it isn't it's reality a reality I wish wasn't happening. I get up and go over to her doctor and start yelling at him "How did you not fucking know my mother had a brain aneurysm you did brain surgery on her and had to take repeat scans and you still couldn't tell?!?!?" I yell "you can't even do half of your fucking job and see a brain aneurysm on a scan or in someones head that's open in front of you how the fuck are you the cheif of neuro surgery?!?!" I continued to yell and before he could say anything her heart surgeon came up to us "and you I didn't even get to see her because of you. My mother is dead and because of you I didn't get a chance to see her one last time and say goodbye!!!" I yell at her "Alex stop that's enough" Clara says getting up and coming over to us. I can feel my whole body shaking and I can't tell if it's because I'm upset and my anxiety is through the roof or if it's because I'm mad, maybe it's a mix of both which is also the same answer to why my heart is pounding most likely. I step away from all of them, the only thought in my head being that I need to get out of here so I run to the door to the stairs and I can hear Clara calling for me but once I started going down them I couldn't hear her anymore and I ran out of the hospital. I decided to run home and by home I mean me and my moms house. I don't want to talk to anyone right now even though something is telling me being alone right now is a bad idea but I decide to ignore that feeling.

When I get to the house I take the spare key that's hidden out and unlock the front door and go inside and don't even think about locking it and I run up to my room and close the door and I see all my art stuff which makes me more mad so I throw it all over the place. Some paint is now open and dripping on the floor canvices are everywhere along with paint brushes and water is on my rug where I threw my paint cup that still had some dirty paint water in it although most of it had evaporated since it has been sitting here since the last time I painted which was before my mom was in the hospital. Tears then started to fall down my cheeks or maybe they already were and I just didn't notice till now and I sit down on the floor with my back leaning on the side of my bed and the tears fall faster. It then really sank in that I never got to say goodbye. I mean I know I yelled that to the doctor but I hadn't fully processed it, hell I haven't fully processed that she is gone and never coming back until now. I feel my heartbeat speed up and beat faster than it was before and it feels like there is a crushing weight on my chest making it hard to breath and the world feels like it is spinning and my vision is starting to blur and I can feel my body shaking worse than it did before. It hits me not long after realizing those things that I am having a panic attack, I haven't had a panic attack in a long time and I haven't gone through one alone in a really long time. I try to slow my breathing but it's not working and my vision is getting blurrier by the second and it continues to do that until everything goes black and everything stops and my mind goes blank.