Shadows Lurking | Taylor Swift Fanfic

64: f u n e r a l

I'm singin' at a funeral tomorrow
For a kid a year older than me
And I've been talkin' to his dad, it makes me so sad
When I think too much about it, I can't breathe

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2011

Three year old Amerie stood next to her Mom in a pretty black dress. Everyone wore black, Amerie had never seen anything so dark, the three year olds life was usually filled with pink, princess and fluffy tiaras and tutu's, but today was different and the young girl didn't understand.

All she could remember was her mommy telling her that her best friend, Ronan was in a better place now. The last time she had seen her best friend was in a white room, it wasn't his house, his bedroom. It was a large building with a smell of cleaning products and antiseptic, the walls were painted with lots of different animals, but the rooms inside were bare, just four white walls and grey floor, the bed white and plastic the bedding white and scratchy.

Her best friend tucked into bed, purple circles under his eyes, wires and machines everywhere, a hairless head, a body motionless, the beeps of the monitors slowly ticking.

That's all she could remember of him, her last memory of him till she was told she was never going to see her best friend again, no more play dates, no more visits to the large building and the boring white room where the four year old boy cried and didn't want to play. Most of the time Amerie stayed close to her mother scared of the boy in the bed, he wasn't the friend she knew, it wasn't Ronan, a cruel monster had taken over his body and made him tired and uninterested in play dates.

Present

Amerie stood in the mirror, her black dress fitted onto her body, it didn't feel right. None of this felt right, attending her dead ex boyfriend's funeral wasn't right.

"Amerie we need to go now" Taylor said placing a hand on Amerie's shoulder.

"Yeah" Amerie sighed trying not to shed a tear.

"Hey look at me, it's going to be okay. Grief is hard, but you'll get through it I'll be with you waiting" Taylor reassured

"Thank you" Amerie nodded

"If you feel like you need to leave at any moment we can" Taylor responded

"Mhm" Amerie nodded.

                        The Funeral

The black SUV pulled up to the church parking lot, a somber environment. Black clothes, dim lights, the expression on people's faces, tears.

The building, a lovely church, a coffin in the middle people paying their respects.

Ryan caught the eye of Amerie and marched her way up to her.

"You shouldn't be here, you are the reason my brother is dead, you didn't love him back, you didn't look after him!" Ryan shouted

"Ryan! Do not speak to Amerie like that. You need to be respectful this is an upsetting moment for me I have lost a son!" Ryan's mother yelled.

"I want to go home" Amerie sighed.

"Yeah of course" Taylor nodded leading the girl out of the building.

"It's all my fault, I should have helped him, I should have stayed with him he was clearly ill when he hurt me I should have known I-I should have done something to help" Amerie sobbed

"Hey... Ams it's not your fault. Ryan is upset she's grieving, it's a normal thing to do, it's not your fault" Taylor reassured.

"I just want to go home" Amerie mumbled

"We are Ams, We are" Taylor said pulling her daughter into a hug, the driver driving the car out of the church parking lot.

                    The Bedroom

The mirror consumed Amerie, she stood in front of it looking at herself crying, hating herself even more and more. Today was not the day.

She hasn't eaten in a week, despite her mom's constant push, the growing concern from her mother present.

"Amerie you need to eat" Taylor sighed

"Not hungry" Amerie shrugged

"Amerie, look I don't know why you're it eating, is it self punishment because you think it's your fault, ignore what Ryan said, she said that a week ago and she's apologised since, you need to get up out of bed and eat" Taylor said firmly

"I'm not hungry" Amerie mumbled

"I'm taking you to hospital then, this can't go on" Taylor said firmly.

Amerie took a deep breath and opened her door facing her mother.

"Nice to see you up" Taylor said

"What is they to eat?" Amerie asked

"Whatever you want" Taylor smiled feeling relieved

"Wendy's" Amerie mumbled

"I'll go order it. You want the usual?" Taylor asked.

"Mhm, Burger, fries and a strawberry shake" Amerie said

"I don't understand why you never have chocolate it's like the best flavour" Taylor chuckled.

"Chocolate flavoured things are disgusting" Amerie mumbled

"I don't get how you are my child" Taylor giggled.

"You love me though" Amerie smiled

"I love you so so so so much, to the moon and to Saturn" Taylor kissed her daughter's forehead.

A/N:

Please note I mean no disrespect to Ronan or anyone who knew him or know his family, I'm simply writing a fanfic to show the reasons why Amerie is the way she is and things that shape her and her future