Warning ⚠️: mentions of sexual assault
I heard my door open. I looked back to see Gabe walking towards me.
"Yes Gabe?" I asked.
"Here" Gabe said handing me some type of notebook.
"What is this?" I asked letting go of the machine and fulling facing him.
"It's a journal" he said.
"Why would I need this?" I ask
"Becaaause you have a lot of anger in you and a lot of things easily get you mad and since I'm not always around or when you feel like not talking to me you can write it down... if you want me to read it just tell me and we can talk about it one on one when we have the time or you just want me to know something in general to read in the journal you can also write at the top of the page 'don't read this one' or something and I won't read it" He said holding the book out.
"... that's stupid" I said still taking the journal.
"Maybe but just try it if you don't like it then you don't have to do it, I won't force you to do it Lui" He said putting his hands on my shoulders and kissing my forehead.
"Mm fine I'll try it"
"I love you" He said pulling me into a hug.
"... I love you too, Gabe" I said hugging him back.
It's been few weeks after Gabe had given me the journal... oh the journal I had wanted him to read my first journal entry. We were having a sleepover at my house. I got the journal from my nightstand.
"Gabe... I want you to read my first journal entry" I said holding out the book for him to grab.
My hands were shaking. I want to tell him but what would he say? What would he think? He placed his hands around my hands that were holding the book and caressed my hands with his thumbs to calm me down then he gently took the book.
"C-could you read it somewhere else?" I ask him.
"Yeah of course whatever makes you comfortable" he said and he left the room.
I... I didn't think he'd actually leave the room. I thought he was gonna be mad and stay.
I left Lui in his room and went to the living room. I sat on the couch with the journal in hand. I then opened up to the first page. I started reading in my mind.
I don't really know how to start this so I guess I'll just start with things that's been on my mind recently.
I think a lot about how and why I don't trust people. It's all that mother fuckers fault. I... dated someone before Gabe. I don't consider it an actual relationship because... well can you really say it was a relationship if you both didn't love each other? What If he used to hit you? God forbid he was ever angry... and he wanted me to do things I didn't want to do.
So no I don't consider it a relationship. But I think about it a lot, about what he did to me. In short he broke my trust big time and now I don't know if I should trust anyone else. I think I can trust Gabe though... he's the first person besides my family that actually cares for me.
But should I?
I love him and we are already dating but does he love me back? Could he just be saying it to keep me from being mad at him? Or maybe he just wants to date me because I'm a celebrity?... and the other members of ride out should I trust them? I don't mean to be so rude to them I actually think they're good bladers but they just don't know how to unlock their full potential.
I don't know... do I think too much? All I know is I don't know if I should trust people again...
I'm gonna go to sleep.
I hurried to go back upstairs and open the door.
"When you said 'he wanted me to do things I didn't want to do' did you mean sexual things or something else?!"
Lui looked away from me and had his knees to his chest.
"Yes but thankfully he never actually fuck me... he said I was to ugly to fuck"
I hugged him and he hugged me back.
"I'll never do something like that to you, I love you for you, not because you're a celebrity, I. Love. You" I said cupping his cheeks.
I saw a tear slipped from his eye he quickly wiped it away. I kissed where he wiped it off. I saw he was holding it in. I kissed his forehead.
"You can cry Lui..." I said while cupping his face.
Another slipped out and this time he didn't wipe it away and his breath started to shake and he clenched his teeth. Then tears rolled down his face. I hugged him once again and he buried himself in my chest. I kissed the top of his head. Now he was full on sobbing.
"That's it let all the tears out its ok to cry" I said holding him tight.
Lui eventually fell asleep. I carefully placed him in bed and pulled the covers over him and over me a bit and I turned off the light and pull the covers up to my neck.
