A MAN TO HEAL

chapter fourteen

POV Jimin

This night, I couldn't close my eyes at all

Pregnant was the only word in my ears

Emily is right next to me, sleeping peacefully, carelessly

But I need to know

And at the same time, I can't ask her something like that

If she was, she would have told me already right?

Why the hell am I overthinking about an alleged pregnancy right now?

It's not like I wouldn't be happy if she was, I always wanted to have kids

But at the same time, I don't know why I'm not that excited about the idea either

I sigh for the umpteenth time

The night is longer than usual

I wish I could just fall asleep already, but it seems like it's not going to happen anytime soon

I let my thoughts wander as much as they want until my brain is too exhausted to think anymore

And only at the sunrise I got to get a quick sleep for a few minutes

When I open my eyes, Emily was no longer next to me

Today is Sunday, so I don't expect her to be getting ready for work but why the hell would she be awake this early in the morning?

I get out of the bed, trying to locate her in the apartment without calling her name

She is standing at the coffee machine, her long blonde hair twisted in a satin scrunshie that matches her PJs set

I wrap my hands around her waist as I rest my head on her back

" I love you " I say

I don't know why I felt the need to say it her

She chuckles

" Already so sweet in the morning, did you have good dreams? " She asks

I inhale, my head still resting on her back

" I didn't have dreams " I reply instead of saying that I couldn't even fall asleep

" Hmmm not fun, I was waiting for you to tell me about them " she utters as her hand grabs the coffee mug

I press a kiss onto her neck

" Next time...hope I would dream about our future children " I say in a light way, trying not to alarm her

But she moves her back so I can let go of her

" Our children " she repeats quietly

" I always wanted to have children " I say as I pour myself some coffee as well

" Well, that's you..." She says as she sits at the kitchen table

" That's me? What about you? " I ask, a bit surprised

Emily used to say that she wanted to have kids back then, when we were in college

I didn't know she already changed her mind

" I want to focus on my career Jimin, I don't want those "

" You don't want...any? Like...even in years? " I ask hesitantly

" No, I don't wanna have any, I don't wanna have kids at all " she replies, her voice aloof

I remain motionless, looking at the floor for no damn reason