A MAN TO HEAL

chapter nineteen

POV Jimin

That night, I went home to Emily

I found her crying cause of how worried she was that I left the house and never came back after since I literally booked an Hotel room instead of coming home

She wasn't upset, only sad

I apologized and comforted her

Everything was back to normal, we even made love until exhaustion

But after Emily fell asleep, naked, snuggled into my side

I remain motionless with wide eyes, facing the ceiling

Suki's voice comes back, echoing in my head

~~Of course I do, that kiss haunted me, made me lose my sanity, I told you yesterday night, I keep struggling cause I still...I still want more~~

~~I don't deny it, you do have effect on me, and maybe more than just that, I think I like you, since that night when you kissed me~~

More than just that, I think I like you

I think I like you

I like you

Her voice keeps going on in my head in an endless echo like in those horror movies

" Fuck ! " I curse under my breath

I thought it would be easy to just turn this page and focus on my fiancée

But I just can't

Nothing has changed

I'm still attracted to another woman

Emily rolls onto her side with a moan, sleeping deeply

I turn my head to look at her silhouette in the dim lit room

I'm fucked up

What am I going to do in that situation?

I'm for sure attracted to Suki but I'm still very attached to Emily

I know I can't have both

That's why I decided to focus on Emily and fight for our relationship

But why there is that side of me that doesn't want to give up on Suki?

Why am I still thinking about her??

Why am I turning red of jealousy as soon as I think about the possibility of her spending the night with that man from her work?

Why am I hearing her voice? Feeling her touch? Her warmth?

The way she moaned when I caressed her skin, the way her eyes fell closed quickly

The way her lips parted and her eyes widen when she is looking at me

I even found myself thinking about how great the feeling of her svelte waist is when I wrap my hand around her

I'm really really fucked up

How am I supposed to stay away when I just want her this bad?

It makes me sick, I find myself shaking

It's still a miracle that I didn't call her name while making love to Emily earlier

I let out a sigh

It's okay Jimin, you can do it

You can do it ...

I tell myself that all night until I fall asleep, just to find myself dreaming of Suki Lee and all the things we haven't done in that office and that my body still craves