A MAN TO HEAL

chapter thirty five

POV Suki

I open the door and let Alessio in, I don't know why but I check by reflex if I could see the supposed bodyguards hiding somewhere

They must be very skilled in the art of camouflage cause they're impossible to spot

" How was work today?" I ask as I join him in the living room

" As always... productive and busy " he responds

I sit next to him, I don't know why I kinda feel the need to be close to him for what I'm about to do

It pains me to break his heart, but I think he would heal faster if it's now than when it's after too many years

" How was your trip? I didn't expect you to shorten it " he says

" I...I didn't expect that either but...I had things to do here "

He nods, the atmosphere feels awkward for no reason

" Hum... you had something to tell me " I say

" Yes, but, it's not a big deal, you had something to tell me too, go ahead first "

I take a deep breath, feeling the pressure building up at every breath I breathe

" Alessio..." I begin

He looks at me, waiting, patient

This is so hard cause even though I wasn't head over heels for him, we shared great and unforgettable times together, as friends, as colleagues and as partners

But, it's time to make a good decision for both of us

" It's... it's not easy " I say with a nervous smile

He takes my hand and looks at me warmly

" Take your time, I'm not going anywhere " he says softly

I smile at him

" Thank you for being such a sweetheart with me Alessio, you're really the best...I admire you and I always felt inspired when I'm looking at you, your passion for your work and what you love
I also had great times with you...but I think, as lovers... it's not going to work
At least, not for me
You're such a wonderful human being and you deserve someone... someone who truly loves you
I realize that I can't be this person for you, so I think it would be better if we break things off and..." My voice cracks and I can't even finish my sentence

He doesn't let go of my hand, he remains motionless, attentive

" I'm sorry " I finally add

He doesn't reply immediately, but then his hand squeezes mine

" Thank you for being so honest with me Suki, I appreciate that
I...I also appreciate every minute I shared in your company and everything we lived together as friends, colleagues or even partners
Even though...our relationship didn't last long, it was...very special to me "

I look at him and my eyes fill with tears

" You know, all I care about is your happiness Suki, and...yeah, I mean..."

It's my first time seeing Alessio having difficulty to find his words

I press his hand, I decide to be completely honest with him cause it's better to tell him the truth, give him a real reason than simply saying that it's not working

" I also care about your happiness cause you're such a gentleman, a sweetheart and someone exceptional and I'm not saying these only to soften the blow, I really think that of you
And I feel like, if we stay together, I won't be able to...feel the things I should be feeling in order to make you happy in the relationship " I say