The Wake.

15

"Tremors?" She was clenching her jaw to keep herself from collapsing again.

"They are of many types, what you had is known as a resting tremor. Movements are slowed and stiff. You can lose grip over your sense of hand movements. Body movements. Have you been facing anything like this before? Like not being able to hold things? Or taking time to move from one place to another."

His words brought her memories of breaking things. Everything she had been letting slip out of her hands and then at times stumbling while walking. It was too terrorizing for her to face the reality of the situation.

"Uh, yes but I thought it was because of my clumsiness." She admitted with much hesitation.

"I'm sorry you weren't aware of your condition. It's called the Parkinson's disease. It's a rare thing to happen at your age. It's not even common in females." He gave her a very sympathetic look, something she didn't appreciate at all.

"Then why? Why do I have it?" She felt upset now.

"The cause is unknown. It can happen due to lack of a neurotransmitter in your body. Dopamine. Brain is supposed to generate it on its own. Most of the time it's because of a person not doing well in terms of mental health. Do you feel like you're depressed?" He further interrogated but Iraj was getting more distressed.

"You mean I've got two problems, not just one?" She felt her lips twitch holding her from crying. "I'm not depressed alright!"

"Mrs Zaman, I'm sorry. It's not confirmed. It could be because of a genetic reason too. Please calm down." He tried to acknowledge her feelings.

"What will happen then?" She was breathing from her mouth now, "To me?"

"Parkinson's is a lifelong condition. You'll have to take your medication regularly. With age it worsens but if you keep a very cautious lifestyle it won't be as severe as it is for many towards their 60s-70s." The doctor explained with much certainty.

Iraj gave him a hopeless look, "Right."

"I know at times you are unable to differentiate whether you're having a tremor or not but your body has adapted to the muscle movement already. Just try to not hold heavy things, there should be someone around you most of the time to monitor anything necessary in the early stage so that you get used to the modified lifestyle. Who would be that person from your family?" The last question left her wondering if that was possible or not.

"I'll need to think and then—"

"It's alright, Mrs Zaman. Do take your time. We're going to start your medication from now, it is supposed to be taken right on time, regularly. You'll feel nauseous and a little uneasy in the beginning due to side effects but eventually it'll become better. Though at times you'll face problems even after taking your medication, that can be an exception due to excessive stress. Try your best not to worry too much about anything." Iraj was listening but not paying attention anymore.

Taking her leave from the hospital soon after, she told her maid to go home and thanked her for bringing her to the hospital, the doctor had told her to come the next day for her final report and a detailed medical plan. She didn't have her car and then she remembered the dinner she was supposed to have with her husband. Her mind was finally recovering from the hospital visit and she took a cab to go to her house and found it all empty. Azfar had not yet come home. It was nine in the night and quite late for his usual time. She went up to her room looking for her cell phone and thought at least her husband would be there to talk to if not anyone else.

To Iraj's devastation she had received messages from her husband and there were missed calls too. The message saying that he had to leave the country for an urgent business meeting in Turkey. Her chest felt heavy as she felt tears now openly flowing down. He had left. And as always she was on her own. She was reminded of whom she could talk to and no one around her could be the person whom she could go to. Her father? Hadn't he said she was his lucky charm all his life? Guess her mother had been right all along, she was never the lucky one. She was only a defected one.

She feared telling her father about it, it would make him feel helpless. She didn't want it. She'd never been of any help to him either all her life. And her mother would never say anything other than how much more of a disposable and burdensome human she was to her.

No one else around her could be told. The empty house left her shattered. What would her husband say? It was better not to tell him anything since she was never going to be of any value to him now that she was also labeled as flawed and malfunctioning wife. Another addition to her list of never ending lackings.

She knew that whenever her husband would leave for a work trip it would always take at least two weeks for him to return. Usually when her mother was not around she'd go to her father's house during that time. But now, with a medical condition, she was never going to go there. If anyone there found out it would be the end of her. How much pity and shame could she see in her family's eyes for her?

It would actually be better if Azfar would marry someone else now. She laid on her bed in the same dress she'd been wearing before she had passed out.

Why couldn't she have a normal life? Normal husband? Normal health? Normal career? Why? Why was Allah doing this to her? Did he not love her at all? Or maybe, it was only Allah that she had now, no one else.

She stared at her hands moving them up in the air, they seemed fine right now, yet she knew, they weren't really fine. She suddenly turned over on her stomach towards the bed and extended her hand to the drawer next to it. Opening the drawer she took out the note she had received on her birthday from her husband. She started reading it again and again, and then cried knowing it'll never be the same for her as it was before. This was her life now, she would deal with it on her own.