The Wake.

17

"Where are we going?" Iraj was looking out of the window as Azfar drove to a place that wasn't their home.

"Somewhere." He had said just like she would talk.

After their dinner Azfar had driven to a different spot and that was not their house as Iraj had wanted it to be.

"Where?" She turned her face to look at him but he was focused on the road. He parked the car and got out to open the door for his wife.

"Let's find out." He held the door open for her to move out of the car.

"I'm really tired Azfar." She had felt her hands shake a little and didn't want to risk having a conversation with him right now in this state.

"Just a few more minutes, then I'll take you home." He took her hand in his and walked while Iraj tried to move it out of his grip gently but it seemed it was not possible, his hold was stronger than her force.

"Do you remember this place?" He stopped at a grassy area with plants around, mostly roses.

"Uh, I—" She tried to recall and looked at the surrounding area but her mind was still diverted towards her hand shaking slowly.

"You used to whine to your father about not bringing you here on a daily basis to learn about gardening, so he had asked me and Rehaan to bring you here." Now she did remember, it had been years since that time. Six years to be exact. Azfar was still holding her hand and his smile had grown soft.

"I used to say stupid things." She bit her lower lip, "I should have been a better and a less demanding daughter." She felt if maybe she'd been that then she wouldn't have been sick with her condition now. Her condition had come to her as a punishment of her own spoiled behavior.

"I don't know whether it was stupid or not but I just know that because of that I got to you see you for almost four days a week when Rehaan's turn was over to bring you here." He stepped closer to her, "It made my day better when I'd get to see the girl who could make my heart race."

The confession made her tense up at once and she wanted to run away, never had she ever even imagined that this could be the revelation given to her by him. She swallowed hard and tried to not start panicking.

"Iraj, when we got married I— I believed that my feelings for you might make you suffocated in a marriage that was not of your choice, you were—"

"We were never alike." She shook her head with a dry smile, repeating the words he had said to her on their wedding night.

"Iraj." He placed his hands around her face cupping it gently, "I love you."

Iraj had never felt her own tremors with such caution as she was feeling the moment he said it. Her eyes wandered at his face trying to keep herself calm. His eyes on the other hand were searching for her response, as she blinked and then stepped back.

"But I don't." Her voice was slightly hoarse due to her efforts of not falling apart.

"Iraj, I know you're upset I left without seeing you when I left this time, I'm sorry meri jaan, I'm really sorry, you can be mad at me as much as you want, I will gladly accept it." He wasn't understanding the context of her response at the moment.

"I'm not mad. I've always told you that you can get a divorce or marry someone else, I never said I had feelings for you." She held her hands together firmly and tried to inhale, draining her tears back before they could reach her face.

Azfar's jaw tightened at her repulsive expression and tone, "Iraj, I thought that—"

"Whatever you thought, it was all wrong. I am not interested in having a relationship with you." Iraj could feel tongue losing its grip while talking and feared she might collapse again. Not in front of him, she couldn't, it would kill her.

He had said he loved her, but he wasn't aware that she wasn't the same girl he had seen or fallen for years back. She knew it would not be possible for him to even truly be able to want to speak to her if he knew about her flaws, her lifelong disease. He would never want to love that person.

He stood there unable to move past the words he had just heard. How had he been wrong? Hadn't he felt like she wanted to be with him as much as he did in the previous few weeks?

"If you don't want to take me back home then I'll go myself." She turned around and started walking as he had not been able to even blink standing there.

Iraj's movement made him realize the current situation and he immediately strode forward and held her hand reaching her pace, "You're not going anywhere alone."

He started to walk towards the car not trying to contemplate on the rejection he had just received from her, "Please leave my hand Azfar."

Another statement that gave him a proper description of her feelings, he let her hand out of his and went towards the door of the car to open it. Iraj prayed for them to reach home as soon as possible to let her frail body finally release its nerves.

Fortunately they arrived only ten minutes later and she let him go forward towards the door to open it as she knew the keys would instantly fall from her hands that were shaking with much more intensity. She tried to walk without hurrying to her room in case she stumbled and fell if she would speed up.

Iraj at once sprang onto her bed and broke down into immense pain and cries right after closing her bedroom door. Why couldn't she get to be happy? Why couldn't she tell him? Why? She moved to check her drawer for the medicine and found her birthday note from Azfar lying there. Taking it in her hands she sobbed for a long while and then pressed her lips over it, "I love you too."

Then she lied back down on the bed after checking that she had already taken her dose for today and her nerves had been triggered definitely because of stress to confront him about his emotions. Iraj pushed a small pillow into her chest to stop it from hurting and fell asleep crying. She had lost the second chance to be loved and to live in life. This time it was going to last forever.

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