He is too well-behaved

Chapter 99. I can't be with you, shen shen

　　But spring did not come.

　　Maybe it comes, or maybe it comes too quickly and leaves in a hurry, as if it had never been there.

　　"So deep."

　　It's so strange. I was clearly talking about the pain of the past in the calmest tone, but why did it still sound so sad and pitiful?

　　"I don't want to go back."

　　He is not a perfect person. He has too many shortcomings, so many that he feels inferior, timid, weak, indecisive, easily influenced, has a weak sense of security, and is prone to over-dependence.

　　He always easily forgets the bad things someone has done to him, and infinitely magnifies the little bit of kindness someone has done to him. He does not bear grudges and is always pessimistic about life.

　　As he is, he is not suitable to stay by Xu Jiashen's side. Not only can he not bring any help to Xu Jiashen, but he will only make him angry and annoyed.

　　What's more, Shen Gusi was extremely sure that what Xu Jiashen felt for him was not love, but guilt.

　　"I won't do that again." Every word Shen Gusi said pierced Xu Jiashen's heart.

　　He hoped that Shen Gusi would give him a chance, even if he had to beg him all the time.

　　"I will never do that to you again. Whatever you said...I will change. I promise."

　　Shen Gusi shook his head.

　　The word "guarantee" still sounds too fragile.

　　How long can the promise he made now last? Will it disappear completely one day in the future? What should he do when Xu Jiashen turns around and leaves, leaving him alone?

　　There were too many uncertain things and too many unknown risks, so he couldn't be brave again. His bravery had long since died in the past.

　　"Shen Shen, you know about Lulu's situation, right?" Shen Gusi asked.

　　He could guess that a big part of the reason why Xu Jiashen acted like this was because he felt guilty about himself after knowing Lulu's life experience and wanted to atone for his sins, thinking that it was love.

　　Lulu was like a wound between the two of them, and Xu Jiashen's heart ached when she was mentioned.

　　"Yes, I understand." He knew that just because of this one thing, he would never be able to beg for forgiveness in his entire life.

　　"I didn't tell you about this, so you don't have to feel guilty."

　　Shen Gusi said: "I thought about telling you, but you hated me so much at that time that you would definitely get angry if I told you."

　　"So this matter cannot be blamed on you. It's my own fault that I have this strange body. To you, Lulu is just a strange child. You are willing to donate bone marrow to her for treatment. You have done your best. I also know that you didn't tell me the news of Lulu's death because you were afraid that I would be sad."

　　"So Shen Shen, don't feel like you owe me anything. You've given me more than I owe you."

　　Perhaps because he had experienced so much, Shen Gusi woke up as if after a dream.

　　Did he hate Xu Jiashen? He did, because he had felt the pain of hatred, when he had not even seen Lulu for the last time, when he had given himself to someone else once again.

　　He hates it.

　　What does hatred bring? Those who leave will never come back, and those who are lost are lost forever.