the biggest star in the world

realisations

madeline's pov

"okay, what do you want to know" i said rolling on my side and facing her.

"have you ever been in love?" she asked

"wow really getting into it" i laughed before thinking. "caleb was my FIRST love, but now im realising he isn't my first LOVE, i don't know maybe im just mad at him"

she hummed along. "wait can i actually vent about this for a second" i asked and she nodded. "like i seriously want to get into it"

"madz im here for you, whatever you say stays in this room" she assured me.

"okay, i think caleb has been taking advantage of me for a while" she tilted her head in concern and question. "because the other night when he found out we had to kiss for work he got so pissed, for literally no reason, and obviously then i owed him. and we got into a big fight, and when we were having sex he was really rough which don't get me wrong i like but he was just really aggressive with it, it felt more like a punishment"

"and he said how i never want to have sex with him when im sober, which got me thinking to every time we get drunk and he doesn't stop me from drinking we end up doing it and i wonder if that's why he always gets me drunk, he's a heavy weight so he's never drunk himself." i sighed. "i don't know, am i over thinking this, he is my boyfriend so really it shouldn't matter?" i shook my head. i didn't know what i was saying anymore. my eyes welled up with tears.

i'm a shitty girlfriend for talking about him like this.
"please say something" i said as violet hadnt said a word.

"madeline, that is rape, or atleast sexual assault" she said honestly. she took my hand in hers so i actually listened to her. "please realise that caleb isn't a good guy"

"but he can be. he's really sweet and we always...well we used to always go on dates and" i stopped myself bursting into tears.

she was right.

violet brought me into a hug and i cried in her arms. she's didn't shush me, she told me it's okay and actually comforted me.

i was hiccuping and trying to stop myself and after a minute or so i managed. i pulled away from her and she lifted her hands to wipe my eyes.

i thanked her trying to fix my appearance because that was embarrassing.
"what am i supposed to do?" i asked genuinely lost.

"i would break up with him but i know it's not that easy" she said and i agreed.

"can i be honest again, sorry im seriously just unloading on you now" she assured me it was fine and i continued "caleb and i were friends for a few months before we started flirting and it was right when things with my parents went really downhill so i think i just clung to him because he was there and we were getting close. so now he's just associated with comfort and security so i seriously don't know if i could leave him"

we were getting really deep now.

for the whole night we were just talking and exchanging stories and opinions and i felt truely herd. at 4am when we were growing more tired and had lied down slowing our conversations.

she fell asleep soon after and i felt bad for unloading on her. she didn't need to deal with it. if i'm being honest i usually talk through my problems to the wall or mirror. which isn't weird, i live by myself.

but anyway it was too much stress for the night and my overthinking couldn't take it anymore so i forced myself to go to sleep.

the next day.

after having breakfast with violets family, i headed back to scarlett's. we had work today and i was in need of a distraction. the feeling from last night still not leaving.

violet didn't have work though which i found annoying but atleast i had scarlett. she noticed something was wrong the second i walked into the door this morning. and i mean literally. i banged my shoulder into the door on my way in and it really hurt.

"are you okay? you seemed to be having fun last night but now you're all quiet again" she said as we were driving to set.

"yeah, just... thinking"

a/n
a short chapter even worst than the last butttt.

that's 12 days of christmas complete!!!!

it's christmas eve, 11:08pm and i want to sleep so goodnight guys! make me think im famous!!!  jokes. merry christmas ive yawned 3 times in writing this authors note.

lol!

sorry

goodnight