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what could not be said had been wept • jenlisa

Life could be full of regrets. There were so many things to be regretted in Lisa's life that they couldn't be regretted. But one foolish thought had never stopped bothering her mind ever since she lost the very chance. As Shakespeare once said, "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we might win by fearing to attempt." Lisa feared she could not ever forget that very moment she lost.

Lisa was once a high school student too. She was one of the brightest mind of her school and could never be denied of her brilliance. But her empty love life was not to be doubted. It was not empty, actually, for she had loved but she could not bear herself to say it and show it.

Jennie was a charming heart. She had a smile like the breath near sunflowers and she had a demeanor so sweet like the refreshing wind in the summer beach night. She was everything Lisa could ever wish and pray for. She was everything but Lisa could not take herself to even call on her name sweetly.

They were playful best friends. They both knew that they both liked girls. However, Jennie also had another close friend called Jisoo back then. Lisa feared the bond between her and Jennie was merely a false hope for Jennie and Jisoo was the true one. So, Lisa kept her love locked in the deepest dungeons of her heart. She would rather not risk her very friendship with her dearest.

Even during their graduation day, Lisa just grasped the end of her toga sleeves tightly, instead of coming up to Jennie and congratulate her with a hug. Lisa only came by with a cold tone and said a farewell before parting into their own futures. It was a cruel thing to do to her weak heart, but she would rather leave a scar on her own feelings rather than scratch their friendship as well.

Lisa thought the thought would go away throughout the years of university and career. Yet the moment Lisa turned thirty, her first wish was still to meet Jennie again with health and happiness and prosperity. She knew it was one reckless prayer but it was the only thing that came across her mind every time she breathed. She yearned and longed, even though ruthless truths may come crash and ruin her any time.

Then, came the day of reunion. Once the invitation was sent to each and everyone in Seoul's School of Performing Arts 2015 graduates alumni, Lisa squealed as loudly as she could until her lungs lost all their air. There was this feeling overflowing joy the moment she realized she would meet her beloved again.

Lisa even asked her work sister, Chaeyoung, to pick the most beautiful dress, jewels, shoes, and even a handbag to wear and carry for the reunion party. She swore to take her second chance, not in vain. Even if she didn't know what she would face, she vowed herself to be as ready as possible.

The night of the reunion party finally fell. Lisa met her old friends with new faces she didn't recognize. Her best friends, Minnie, Sorn, Ten, and Bambam brought their own partners. Even Jungkook, her once rival turned best friend through a series of unfortunate events, brought his own girlfriend. Though the atmosphere was warm and friendly, and not one soul blamed Lisa for going on her own, she couldn't help but feel lonely and distant without her own partner. 

"You seem pretty healthy for someone who went through indefinite stage hiatus," scoffed Lisa, teasing.

"On god, I will kill whoever spread those rumors that I'm on hiatus because of cancer. I'm in the military! Of course, I'm healthy," replied Jungkook, frustrated. "God may forgive you, but I sure am not."

Lisa just laughed. She's glad she could bond with her old friends.

Then, the star of the show walked in. Unbeknownst to everyone, Jennie came on her own. She walked confidently in her Chanel matching pairs, although something was missing: a companion. Everybody who had initially assumed Jennie would come with someone instantly gasped. 

"Hey, Lisa," said Jennie after immediately walking to approach Lisa. 

There was this mild breeze that brushed over Lisa's shoulder all in a sudden. She never thought the goddess that she wished and wished over for had finally met her gaze. The person that she could not confess to and that she wept to was finally right in front of her, only a few inches across her face. She was, in fact, worth the wait, for she seemed to age like fine wine.

"Hey, Jennie. How are you?"

"I'm great. How are you? I heard that your upcoming concert that will be held in the Michigan stadium sold a hundred and ten thousand tickets, is that true?"

"Well, yeah, but I haven't won the Grammy, unlike someone here," replied Lisa.

Reading the romantically and sexually tense room between the two, Lisa and Jennie's friends took their step back and engaged in their own conversations.

The two exchanged praises and stares as if both of them had been missing the very moment for so much and so long. The night unfolded like a dream Lisa had often replayed in her mind, but this time, she wasn't merely a spectator. She was there, standing right in front of Jennie, exchanging words, smiles, and the kind of glances that carried years of untold feelings.

As the party swirled around them, the distance between them seemed to shrink with every passing second. Lisa felt the weight of all the unspoken words pressing against her chest, and for once in her life, she refused to let fear win.

"Jennie," Lisa began, her voice trembling slightly. She clenched her fists to steady herself, then relaxed them, letting the courage she had cultivated over the years take hold.

"Yes?" Jennie turned to her, her soft gaze locking onto Lisa's with an intensity that felt like home.

"I need to tell you something," Lisa continued, her heart pounding like the drumbeat of her songs. She took a shaky breath, but her resolve was firm.

"What do you want to tell me?" Jennie asked, her hands suddenly reached to pull them closer and further from the crowd. Now, they're on the corner of the room where no one could see them and now, they're not an inch across each other as their skin felt like melting together.

For a moment, there was only silence, heavy and fragile, like the final note of a song hanging in the air. Jennie's expression was unreadable, and Lisa braced herself for rejection, for heartbreak, for anything but hope.

"I think I might like you since high school." Lisa finally spoke the words she had been trying to get out of her chest for the last twelve years. "I'm sorry I just said it now, but back then-"

"You thought I was with Jisoo."

Lisa clasped her lips. She slightly nodded in agreement. She let her own fears catch her up and wrap her into something she didn't want to be.

But then Jennie smiled—a smile so radiant it could have lit up the darkest corners of Lisa's heart. "Jisoo is my cousin."

Then, it clicked in Lisa's head. All those times they weren't scared to share skinship was because of their connection by blood. All those times they spent together were not because the two were partners in love but because they somewhat shared a family tree. All those times, Lisa was just a fool.

"You have no idea how long I've waited to hear that," Jennie whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "I like you too, Lisa. I always did." Jennie's hand finally reached Lisa's hair to tuck behind her ear, and her gaze not escaping Lisa's face.

Lisa's breath caught, and for a moment, it felt like the entire world had stopped spinning. She reached for Jennie's hand, and when their fingers intertwined, it felt as natural as breathing.

"I thought you didn't feel the same, so I tried to move on, but I couldn't. Not really. Then, I realized how all this might just be a huge misunderstanding, so I came here despite my schedule, so I can tell you how much I want you."

Their hearts started to beat in one rhythm. Their chest were stuck together as Lisa was pinned to the wall. Lisa could feel Jennie's heavy breath and the scent of her perfume from her neck. 

Life could indeed be full of regrets. There were so many things to be regretted in Lisa's life that they couldn't be regretted. But as Lisa looked into Jennie's eyes and her lips reached for Jennie's lips, she realized that this was not going to be one of them.