helluva girlboss

ii. s2e4 bonus

Stellan got up and threw a teacup against the wall. Andrealphus sat there, unimpressed. He was used to his 30-something-year-old brother still acting like a kid.

"Of course you had to go and fuck things up, Andre!" Stellan shouted. "Typical you, just wanting to boss me around ALL! THE! FUCKING! TIME!"

"Hey, you're the stupid shitheel who didn't even think about this before hiring that pathetic cowboy." Andrealphus fired back.

Stellan crossed his arms. "This isn't the first time I've hired that yee-haw cowboy to kill Starla."

Andrealphus raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"The first time was before she filed for divorce. I sent him after her on the last Harvest Moon, when she does that thing where she curses the crops to keep growing. So I guess if I'd succeeded that time, I would've gotten some of Starla's fortunes. But that impish mistress of hers foiled it."

"This imp sounds like a real challenge, since she's foiled two of your assassination attempts."

Stellan rolled his eyes. "A real challenge? She's just a real pain in my ass."

Stellan sighed heavily and let some of the tension out of his body. He was still mad that Starla remained alive and well, but he tried to calm down.

Andrealphus tapped his talons against his teacup. "Here's yet another thing I don't think you considered, my dear brother: how will Via react to learning her father put a hit on her mother?"

Stellan sighed. "She'll be upset, I suppose. But she's a smart girl so soon she'll understand that I did this for her own good. We don't need her mother."

On the subject of Octavia, Stellan started to think about something.

"Andrealphus, can you believe Via is almost 18?" The older man asked. "Remember what I was doing when I was 18?"

"Having a wedding. Learning how to go from being a marquis to a prince. And learning how to be married to a woman you didn't love." Andrealphus replied.

Stellan frowned down at the floor. "They're already sending proposals, Andrealphus. Me and Starla, we've seen the letters that come in the mail. Proposals from other demon royals, asking if Octavia can come to go on a date with their sons."

Andrealphus winced. "I imagine you and Starla have been throwing those letters away?"

"Every last one."

Andrealphus could not relate. He wasn't a prince, he was just a marquis, so nobody had really asked to come meet his son Cassian yet even though Cassian was 17 too. He worried Cassian would be betrothed someday too, but he knew Octavia was more at risk since she wasn't just a marquis, she was a princess.

"Stellan, my friend, you don't have to accept any of those proposals if you choose not to." The younger man reminded.

""Choose not to". Starla and I didn't have any choice in it when we got married." Stellan said. "You are sooooooo lucky that you're younger than me so you weren't betrothed to anyone, Andre."

"Hah! Remember how jealous you used to be of me when you found out I was free to marry whoever I chose but you weren't?"

"I'm still fucking jealous of that." Stellan confessed.

Their discussion was cut short as Stellan's phone rang. He cursed when he saw the caller ID.

"It's Via, isn't it?" Andrealphus guessed.

"I have no clue what the fuck I'm gonna tell her." Stellan swiped up, then put the phone to his ear. "Via—"

"Dad! Oh my God! Did you see the News?! Mum got hurt by some assassin and she's in the hospital!" The teenage princess said, her words fast and frantic.