Cotton Candy

1. Losing my Patience

Friday May 26

Chelsea's P.O.V.

            Have you ever felt that overwhelming sense of dread?  How about a feeling gnawing at the pit of your stomach?  That's how I've felt for the last two months.  I've been yearning to see him again- just the slightest glimpse of him in the hall or someone speaking his name.  Neither of the two seems to happen very often.  It appears to me that Jake has been diligently creating ways to avoid me at all costs.             

            Everyday I feel my heart sink a little more.  Is it even possible to miss someone as much as I miss Jake?  I remember when we were younger.  He would always hold my hand, no matter what.  My parents and his parents always joked about us being in a relationship since we were little.  Now that we're older, though, it's not the same.  Not even close.

            I still can't believe that I've spent two months without him.  Time always flys when I'm with Jake, but since we haven't been hanging out, two months have been elongated into ten years.  The worst part is knowing that nothing will change soon.  That's because Jake and I are not allowed to see one another because of my sister, Janae, and his brother, Tanner. 

            Tanner and my sister were friends from kindergarten up until their break up two months ago.  They started dating in their sophomore year of high school, which makes it almost three years that they were dating.  That's pretty good for high school students when you think about.  It's such a shame though.  They were the cutest couple!  Everyone thought they would be together forever because they were so well paired up.             

            Everything fell apart in between the break up and now.  Jake's mom and my parents stopped talking to each other.  Jake and I have not been allowed to talk to each other because Janae and Tanner will never let it happen.  The one time I accidentally let it slip to Janae that I was going to talk to Jake.  She threw a melodramatic conniption.

            I feel like right now might be the time to make a move because Janae is at college, Tanner too. I wish she was still here though.  I get lonely pretty easily since I can't see Jake and even though I'm not happy that she is forbidding me to see him, I still love her.  She is my sister after all.  I'm sure Jake feels the same way too.  Especially since it's him and his mom.  I never met Jake and Tanner's dad because he and their mother got divorced right before Jake was born. 

            Jake and I are finishing up our freshman year of high school right now while Janae and Tanner finish their freshmen year of college.  I'm not really sure how well Tanner and Janae are doing.  This is considering the fact that they are both at Penn State right now, and have a lot of classes together.  I bet their friends and teachers are overjoyed about that.  Ever since they broke up, they can't stand to be near each other without an exchange of rude gestures, cruel expressions, or harsh words.

            Everyday I see Jake walk through the halls and cringe.  Why can't we be friends again?  Just because my sister and his brother are mad at each other doesn't mean we have to be.  I'm not saying it's his fault that we aren't talking, but can't he just gain up the courage to talk to me?  I know he wants to.  He just won't talk to me because Tanner doesn't want him to.  I would talk to Jake, but whenever I try to talk to him, I freeze up.  It feels kind of awkward and I don't know what to say to him because I don't want us to get into another fight over something stupid that I accidentally spill out of my mouth.  A strange tension has risen between us in the few times we did manage to talk.  I'm seriously starting to lose my patience. 

Flashback!!

            I remember the day that Tanner and Janae broke up.  It was Friday, March 26.  I'm not sure of the details and everything because Janae never wants to talk about it.  All I really know is Janae believed that Tanner was cheating on her, so she dumped him.  It was early in the morning when they broke up, and the rest of day was just utter crap for all of us.  When I got to school, I saw Jake at his locker talking to a couple of his friends from the soccer team.  I smiled and walked over to him. 

            "Hey, Jake!"  I said.

            ...I waited, but Jake didn't say anything to me.  He completely ignored me.  I figured he didn't hear me even though I really wasn't that far away from him.  So, what did I do? I said hello again.

            ...The same reaction, nothing.  He kept talking to his friends while they gave me weird looks, and some of the people walking in the hall laughed.   Since I already made a fool of myself, I decided to walk away.  Maybe he was in a bad mood for some reason. 

Present

            That's how it's been ever since that day.  I never got to personally ask him about it, but I knew.  I could just tell that was the reason for him ignoring me.  I wish I would've realized what was going on back then.  Well, I guess it's too late.  It's been two months.  Despite my trying to talk to him, nothing happens.  We are no step closer to being friends again.  How I wish I could go back in time and fix everything. 

            Today I walked in through the front doors at Jefferson High like every other day since the break up, alone.  Yeah, sure I have friends, but they were never as close to me as Jake was.  Also, their lockers are on the other side of the building.  I walk past Jake talking with his friends, and see the girls hovering like vultures.  Of course, Jake is incredibly popular and gorgeous. 

            So, what makes Jake so good looking?  There are several reasons.  He has pretty hazel eyes that are a mixture of green, blue, and gray.  He's also got messy brown hair that has red tints in it when he's in the sun.  Along with his hair and eyes, he has a great body structure.  He's tall, but yet not too tall that it would make him look like a giant. 

            He has enough amount of muscles that he looks and is strong, but not to the point where he looks like some crazed body builder.  The best words to describe him are nice, cocky, smart, bold, athletic, honest, respectful, gentleman (sort of), and funny.  He isn't that sensitive though, or at least not around me.

            I just have one problem though.  I have no idea why I like him so much.  I always used to tell people that I would never- could never like Jake as more than a friend.  Clearly, I was wrong.  The first time I realized this was in sixth grade when everyone was just starting to hit that awkward stage in between childhood and being a teen.

            What really hurts me is that he doesn't have the slightest idea of how I feel for him.  I can't help but wonder if he could ever feel the same way I feel about him.

            I really wish I didn't like him.  It makes things so much harder.  Back when we were friends and used to hang out all the time, it was hard not to tell him.  I had to be careful of my every word and action.  Now I guess I don't have to worry about it, but it pains me to see us this way.  I suppose it's harder since I like him.  The worse part is that no matter how hard I try to stop liking him, it blows up in my face.

            If Jake doesn't talk to me, I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands.  I have a plan that I can put into action and luckily, I'm not afraid to whip it out.  Jake might soon be receiving a surprise.  Hopefully, though, I'll be the one that gets surprised.