𝐏𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐎𝐧𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐭 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤

Squideward's Regret

Parings → Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings → fluff, baking mishap, kitchen disaster.

Summary → Peter insists on making frosting solo. Chaos ensues. The reader watches the disaster unfold like a wise woman sipping tea.

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The kitchen smelled like vanilla and burnt ambition.

"Are you sure you don't want help with the frosting?" You asked, eyeing Peter warily as he lined up the food coloring bottles like he was prepping for battle.

Peter scoffed and rolled up his sleeves like he was about to perform open-heart surgery. "I got this. I watched a video.....two, actually."

"That's one more than the last time you tried something in the kitchen," you muttered, sliding the tray of cooling cupcakes closer to the edge of the counter.

He shot you a cocky grin and turned back to the bowl of frosting with the confidence of a man who didn't know fear. "Trust the process, babe."

"Last time I did that, the toaster caught on fire," you reminded him, already eyeing the fire extinguisher.

He was undeterred. He reached for the bowl of pale pink frosting and studied it like he was about to solve a chemistry problem. With precise intent, he grabbed the bottle of blue dye and, instead of the careful few drops you expected, he absolutely drenched the frosting.

"...Peter. That's not a 'touch' of blue. That's an avalanche."

He waved you off without a single ounce of regret. "This is the perfect ratio. Blue and pink make purple. Basic color theory."

You pressed your lips together, trying not to laugh. "Sure, Professor. Let's see how that goes."

"Shh. I'm in the zone."

Peter mixed with enthusiasm, turning the spoon in big, dramatic circles, his biceps flexing just enough to distract you for a second, the frosting slowly transforming into... something unnatural. And not in a cool sci-fi way. In a what-is-this-mutant-color kind of way.

A few minutes of aggressive stirring and mumbling to himself later, Peter stepped back with a frown, staring into the bowl like it had personally betrayed him.

"...What the hell?"

You wandered over, peering into the bowl like it might blink back at you.

"...Peter. What is that color?"

His brow furrowed. "No, it's blue! I didn't even put any green in there! I put in pink and then blue dye!"

You tilted your head. "I'm sorry, babe. It looks like Squidward met his untimely end."

Peter threw his hands up, completely baffled. "How does blue and pink even turn into this weird color? It was supposed to be purple!"

You grinned, arms crossed. "Maybe it's a new shade-'Squidward's Regret.' Perfect for when your mixing skills go sideways."

Peter exhaled, defeated but mildly amused. "Alright, fine. Next time, you're in charge of the colors."

You patted him on the back with mock sympathy. "Smart man. I was trying to help you avoid this, but nooo, 'two videos' Peter had a vision."

He pointed a spatula at you dramatically. "I did have a vision! It just... turned out to be cursed."

You tried not to laugh, but the bowl looked like something between toothpaste and sorrow. "Well, unless we want to traumatize the cupcakes, I suggest we frost quickly and hope nobody questions it."

Peter looked at the sad, alien-looking frosting and sighed. "We're committed now. The cupcakes must be frosted."

You smirked, grabbing a spoon. "At least I hope they'll taste good. They'll just look like SpongeBob's nightmares."

As you both started frosting, Peter side-eyed his monstrous creation. "I still think it's kinda cool. Like, interdimensional frosting."

"Yeah, from a dimension where taste buds go to die."

He nudged you with his hip. "Wow. The disrespect."

"I'm just keeping it real."

You worked side by side in silence for a moment, well, as silent as things get when Peter was muttering under his breath about ratios and frosting betrayal. You focused on making your cupcakes look semi-presentable while he... attempted some kind of swirl pattern that ended up looking like a squid's midlife crisis.

"Okay," you finally said, taking a step back. "Not completely tragic. From a certain angle. If you squint."

"Hey, I call this one Galaxy Vortex Collapse," Peter said proudly, pointing at one particularly lopsided cupcake.

You burst out laughing. "That one's giving 'failed science fair project.' "

Peter grinned, then licked a smear of frosting off his thumb. "Still tastes good though."

You tilted your head. "Bold of you to taste-test the regret."

"Oh, come on," he said, scooping a fingerful of the frosting and holding it up to your mouth. "Try it."

You hesitated, giving him a suspicious look. "If my tongue turns blue-green, I'm suing you."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "It's called taking risks, babe."

You rolled your eyes but gave in, letting him feed you the frosting. It was... actually good. Not amazing, but sugar's sugar.

"Okay, not bad," you admitted, swallowing. "Still doesn't justify the trauma to my eyes, though."

"Visual chaos. Tasteful chaos. Balance," Peter said like he was quoting some ancient culinary proverb.

You finished decorating the last of your batch, proud of your relatively normal-looking ones. "I'm not saying I'm better, but-"

Peter held up his hands. "No, no. You win. You're the frosting queen. I'll stick to webbing up criminals."

"Good choice."

Once the tray was full of your chaotic creations, you stepped back and admired the mess. The counter was dotted with sprinkles, smeared with frosting, and somehow, one of Peter's socks had a pink stain on it.

"How?" You asked, pointing.

Peter looked down. "I-don't know."

You laughed again, reaching for your phone. "Okay. We have to document this."

Peter groaned. "Do not post that. I have a reputation."

You snapped a photo anyway. "Your reputation is 'menace to frosting.' "

"Hey! I'm a menace in a cool way."

"Sure, Spider-Fail. Sure."

Peter laughed, grabbing a bottle of water and leaning back against the counter beside you. "This was fun, though."

You glanced at him, then smiled softly. "Yeah. Disaster and all."

He nudged your shoulder with his. "You make even baking fails fun."

You leaned your head against his. "That's because you're cute when you're panicking over frosting."

Peter groaned dramatically. "Don't tell May. She already thinks I can't cook."

You patted his cheek. "Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me."

He paused. "Unless I post that Squidward photo."

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